Star Vacation!
by Earth Rockin' Toph
Summary: The Entirely Humanized WALL•E Parody! After 700 weeks of doing what he was born for, he'll discover what he was meant for. WARNING: Humorous pop culture references abound, including Star Wars, Camp Rock, Star Trek, and lots more. FINAL CHAPTER UP NOW! Read and Review is very much appreciated.
1. Welcome to Wallace's World

**So... this is my very own humanized parody of ****_WALL•E_****, which I have titled "Star Vacation!". I tried to stay as true as possible to the original story, with some minor alterations and some comical pop culture references here and there. Basically, the point of this fanfiction was to write an English script to all the robot beeps; what I interpret their droid language to be saying. However, all the characters are flesh and blood; no machinery here! I wrote this about 3 years ago, and I first debuted it on the fan site "Pixar Planet".**

**Also, the characters have human (or altered) names. Here is the cast listing for them:**

**Wallace Cooper: WALL•E**

**Evelyn McCrea: EVE**

**Adrian Mo: M-O**

**Auto Pirate/Darth Steering Wheel: AUTO**

**Grand Moff Gopher: GO-4**

**Stormtroopers: Stewards**

**Leticia Coleman: L-T**

**Partlet Cosmetic: PR-T**

**Vince Lichtenstein: VN-GO**

**Bissell Dustbuster: VAQ-M**

**Shiatsu Masashi: HAN-S**

**Sombrilla Parasol: BRL-A**

**Dee Fibrillator: D-FIB**

**Bernard Burns: BURN-E**

**Other alterations include Captain ****_Boris_**** McCrea, Fido (Hal), Mary-Beth (Mary), and Palpatine Forthright (Shelby). I also changed "Axiom" and "BnL" with funny names too. The story begins in Manhattan, which is apparently the the world outside of Yonkers implied in the song "Put on Your Sunday Clothes", being full of shine and sparkle. Speaking of which, ****_Camp Rock_**** is supposed to be the human WALL•E's favorite movie in this story, though I make mention of ****_Hello, Dolly!_**** somewhere in there as well.**

**So, without further ado...here's the first chapter of ****_Star Vacation!_**

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**Prologue:**

A long time into the future, in a galaxy called the Milky Way…

(_Star Wars_ Theme plays)

In the 22nd century, the earth was covered with toxins and trash. The CEO of a mega conglomerate corporation called ShoppyMart called for a 5-year space cruise while the army of garbage collectors was left to clean up the Shoppy mess.

Unfortunately, Project: Cleanup failed, and the ShoppyMart guy declared a state of emergency; the world was too polluted for humanity to ever return. Thus, the people remained on an eternal vacation onboard the executive starliner, the _Postulate_.

It is now the 29th century, and all the trash collectors are gone; save for one. Over the last fourteen years, he has been cubing trash every single day of his life. Little does he know of the adventure that lies ahead of him...

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**Chapter One: Welcome to Wallace's World**

In the 29th century, the earth is a dump. That's all that could be said about this planet that was once called "home"; it is but a junkyard, with miles, maybe fathoms of rubbish as far as the eye can see. A poison sky blankets the world; smoggy, hazy, and unhealthy. There are absolutely no people; just ruins of buildings and towers of rubbish. This deserted landfill seems hopeless, not to mention lifeless.

However, all hope is not lost, when we suddenly realize that a person—actually a garbage collector, is passing by the streets of Times Square, scooping up trash, bagging it, and piling it with other garbage bags. He is a junk slave, much like Anakin Skywalker in his days before he became a Jedi. He (the rubbish collector) is dirty, tired, smelly, and covered in grime, but he is perseverant; he still bags the garbage, and piles it up. He listens to music from old movies everyday as he performs his lowly directive. His name is Wallace Cooper.

"Wow," Wallace told himself as he picked up a trash can lid, "I might take this home with me."

A small cockroach jumped out of the trash pile as Wallace turned off his Walkman™. The insect then scurried up Wallace's sleeve.

"Whoa there," Wallace laughed, "that feels funny."

Wallace has always been a loner—he's never seen people, or other people that aren't garbage collectors like he is. The only one he can relate to is his pet roach Fido, who has been able to survive this trash disaster longer that anything else. Now it is time to go home for Wallace and Fido; the sun is setting through the cloudy atmosphere.

"Come on Fido," Wallace told the roach, "We better get going."

So now, Wallace begins his long trip home, treading down a trashy skyscraper, passing through the streets, also covered in rubbish. He walks his way home, running over a newspaper centuries old, stating that the Emperor of ShoppyMart declared a State of Emergency. He also saw a ShoppyMart Mega-Ultracenter, a ShoppyMart gas station, a ShoppyMart bank, ShoppyMart holo-advertisements, and even a ShoppyMart transit terminal.

Let me tell you a little about ShoppyMart. Back in the mid-21st century, ShoppyMart became a super-powerful, overly controlling, almost humanity-dominating empire, just like the one in _Star Wars_―however, unlike that empire; they were friendlier, like the Republic, and they just encouraged people to shop a whole lot. This retail organization, however, is responsible for turning the world into the dump that it is right now. So now you ask, "What about all the other people?" The solution: they're all on holiday, travelling on luxury cruise-liners sponsored by ShoppyMart Travel; the crown jewel of which is called the _Postulate_, and there's a good reason why it is called that. A postulate, by and large, is literally something that is cliché, palpable, over-generalized, taken for granted, and doesn't require proof because it's so self-evident. And the people on that cruiser have obviously taken for granted the over-generalized truism "You can never have too much vacation", on their cliché holiday; and their axiomatic attitudes and lifestyles are pretty self-evident on this vacation. Basically, the fact that they're relaxing on their perpetual getaway doesn't require any proof—it's already been stated without even giving you clues about it; it goes without saying.

And speaking of all this nonsense, Wallace passed a few billboards advertising this holiday paradise, where people are shown being happy and enjoying themselves, but how do we know that it is still that way on the _Postulate_ today, or if it still exists?

Now, enough about the people on holiday, and back to Wallace― so now he gets home, and settles down to put away his shoes, change into his pajamas, which had little dumpster-shaped robots with googly-eyes printed all over, and store stuff that he has collected while bagging up rubbish. He then took out a DVD of the Disney Channel Original Movie _Camp Rock_, which he loved to watch every day after coming home from work. The part where they were singing "Hasta La Vista" played on screen, and he tried to imitate the hip-hop dancing with a trampoline he found in a pile of trash a few weeks ago. He sang to the upbeat tune, and then went to put the trampoline away, so he could watch _Hello, Dolly!_, until another scene from _Camp Rock_ caught his attention: the scene where Mitchie and Shane were singing "This Is Me". Wallace pressed the "record" button on his Walkman to record the song. This time, there was no dancing and trampoline bouncing; the singers were gazing into each other's eyes, as if some sort of emotion connected them, and when they finished the song, they held each other's hands.

Wallace was perplexed by this sight; he has never experienced, nor seen what love is like. Interlocking his own hands, he suddenly realized he felt lonely.

"Man," Wallace told himself, "I wish I had someone to hold hands with and share this rubbish planet with me," and with deep sadness he said, "I guess I'll take a walk outside."

Wallace strolled outside his truck home as he put on his robe and slippers, and looking up at the starry night sky. He then pressed the play button on his Walkman™, listening to "This Is Me". Tears fell down his eyes as he dwelt on the thought of his loneliness.

Wallace began to sing, "You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing; I need to find you, I gotta find you…"

All of a sudden, an alarm went off, telling Wallace that a sandstorm was approaching. He immediately went inside with Fido, unwrapped a tea-cake for his insect, and then went to bed on a small, lumpy mattress with a fleece blanket. He would rest once more as tomorrow; the same old routine would repeat with increased loneliness in his heart.

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**So, I hope you enjoyed that first chapter. I hope to be posting up chapters periodically. Please read and reply!**


	2. A Day In The Life

**Here's Chapter Two of ****_Star Vacation! _****This is probably one of the shortest chapters in the story. Although not as exciting, the story really picks up at Chapter Three. So, hope you all enjoy this story so far!**

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**Chapter Two: A Day in the Life**

At the crack of dawn the following morning, Wallace awoke, all tired and grumpy. Clumsily, he trudged his way around his truck, trying to find his shoes. After getting on his shoes, he climbed his way up to the roof.

"Oh boy," Wallace grumbled, "Another day, another load of garbage cubes to be stacked. Well, better get moving."

Up on the roof, Wallace stood out in the sunshine, with his solar-panel necklace reflecting the light onto his face.

"I feel recharged and ready to go compact some rubbish!" Wallace cheered optimistically.

As he walked outside his truck, he stepped on something that felt kind of mushy and as he looked down, he saw his pet roach.

"Oh my goodness! I stepped on Fido!" Wallace screamed, but fortunately, Fido was alive.

A long day lay ahead of our favorite dumpster boy, who immediately went to work crushing, bagging, cubing, and sorting out trash to stack.

During the tedious job, Wallace found many interesting things, such as a paddleball, an Xbox™ controller, a fire extinguisher, a wedding ring, a Rubik's cube™, a guys' health magazine, and even a 700-year-old cheeseburger.

"Maybe I'll have this for dinner," Wallace told himself, stuffing all his collectibles into his picnic cooler.

In less than 14 hours, Wallace laid the foundation of another skyscraper. He then spotted an old refrigerator which he cut open with the built-in laser beam in his glasses, and found something—something he's never seen before—and yet, it amazed him, for he's never seen anything like it—it was bright green, vibrant, contrasting with the dullness of the trashed city; it was a stalk of celery.

Of course, Wallace did not know this; he just thought it was something beautiful, but his instinct told him that he needed to take care of this, and it must not fall into the wrong hands. He then treaded his way home, where he was to relax and get ready for another day.

"Well," began Wallace, "You're a green thing, and I've never seen anything so colorful and vibrant as you. But something tells me I should protect you—I don't think I should even eat you with my dinner tonight."

As Wallace conversed with the uncommunicative celery, he then noticed a red dot on the front of his truck. Immediately, he freaked out (well, who wouldn't after being alone in a landfill for so long?). However, he believed the light to be some sort of laser-tag target, because of experience with a laser gun toy he collected from the trash. The light moved away from him as he tried to reach for it.

"Hey wait up!" cried out Wallace, with his toy gun in cargo, "Don't run away!"

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**Hope you guys enjoyed that!**


	3. You Are Not Alone

**I was going to upload this chapter on Sunday, but seeing that I got some feedback, I've decided to upload this chapter now. Also, I forgot to mention that the majority of the cast (Wallace, Evelyn, Mo, and the Rejects) are all teenagers, around 14 years of age, just in case anyone was wondering about the age range of the cast. The main reason why I chose 14 as a good age for Wallace (and the rest of the cast), was because he still has the innocence of a child, but is also at an age where he can take on the heavy duty chores of garbage collection, and he also needs to have at least started puberty in order to develop an attraction to Evelyn (not that it will cross the line into... an "M" rating or anything like that). Just thought I'd share that little fact. **

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**Chapter Three: "You Are Not Alone"**

Wallace ran down a steep ramp, carrying a laser-tag gun toy, and followed the light; however, the light moved away from him, and he began to chase it. The chase led him down the freeway overpass he lived on, down the streets, and straight to the desert valley that was once an ocean-blue bay.

The red light stopped. A circle of the ruby-colored lights circled around the central light, so now Wallace grew puzzled. He had no idea why he was being teased by little red dots.

"Ok, now there are a ton of red lights," Wallace spoke to the lights on the ground, "Oh, you are a sneaky red light, with your red light army, aren't you—huh, what's going on?!"

The ground began to quake, and the air grew hot, as a bright light flashed in the sky, with what looked to be rocket fire descending over the ground. Wallace looked up, and panicked.

"Oh my goodness!" Wallace yelled, "I must take cover!"

Wallace dug a hole in the ground, scared of the fire columns flaming and crashing down on the ground. As he cowered in fear, the worst was soon over; no more shaking, no more fire, no more commotion. He then rose up from his hole, and hit his head on a metal object.

"OWWWWWW!" Wallace cried, "What in the trashed-up world is this?"

Come to find out, a ShoppyMart consular ship had landed on top of Wallace.

The white ship was huge, exceeding the size of two football fields. Wallace was the size of a Pomeranian compared to it. He looked around at the underside of the ship, steam blowing from different vents. All of a sudden, a door opened from the front of the rocket, and a long ramp was lowered. Wallace looked around to see if anything would come out.

"Wow," thought Wallace, "Whoever has paid me a visit must have prepared for a grand entrance."

The rocket's front door opened. A white light filled the entry. Wallace could hear voices coming from inside.

"Ok Probe One," an official began, "You're clear for go!"

_What is going on?_ Wallace thought to himself.

At that moment, Wallace saw _her_ step out…

She was clothed in a spotless white dress uniform with blue edges on her detached sleeves and the soles of her boots. Her hair was combed in a smooth white bob, on which the sun shone down. Her turquoise-blue eyes glimmered like gemstones. She descended gracefully down the ramp, and took her first steps on the barren dirt, when she emitted a scan beam from a control panel on her uniform. It seemed she was on a special mission. However, to Wallace, she was the most angelic view he had ever laid eyes on. Her name was Evelyn McCrea, and she was a reconnaissance scout.

Wallace was stunned by the beauty of this new arrival. As he watched her, the ship suddenly prepared for take-off. He took cover again, but the take-off was really quick. As soon as the ship was gone, Evelyn decided to stop scanning, activated her hover-shoes, and performed a freestyle hover-dance. Wallace kept staring at her, as she roller-coaster-looped above the ground, crossing the dry bay and the canyons faster than a bird could.

"I guess I was right about a 'special delivery'," Wallace sighed, "ShoppyMart must have sent me a reward for all my hard work."

Wallace fell to his knees, trying to catch his breath again. His heart raced, sweat ran down his neck, and his chest pounded at every glide the scout girl made around the rock he was hiding behind.

It was inevitable. He could not ignore the truth any longer.

He was in love.

Evelyn descended slowly above the ground, but Wallace tripped on some rock debris. In an instance, the scout picked up the disturbance as a threat, and she immediately drew out a blast cannon; it's firepower almost like that of a bomb.

Wallace was now stricken with fear. He was afraid to even look at the scout in the eye. Now Evelyn hovered through the city streets, scanning the pavement and roadwork, even the trash. She scanned the walls, and some piles of tires. Wallace had followed her, and took a look at her through a tire. Fido then came up to him.

"No, Fido!" Wallace warned his pet with a whisper, "Don't disturb her!"

Fido refused to listen. He scuttled down to the ground, where Evelyn drew out her gun and fired at the roach; however, it survived. Taking note of this, she extended her hand, and let Fido crawl up her arm. The insect then ran across her shoulders and down her body, and she laughed happily. Wallace sighed again.

Evelyn sensed the noise. She instantly began firing at the piles of tires, until she discovered the rubbish collector cowering in fear.

"Who are you?" Evelyn inquired, "Who are you? Who are you?"

Wallace didn't understand why he was being interrogated so forcefully. As the smoke cleared, he then got his first close-up look at Evelyn's flawless face.

_She is like a portrait of perfection_, Wallace thought to himself.

Fido crawled right back to Wallace as he jumped off Evelyn's blaster. She then proceeded to scan him. Subsequently, she labeled him "Negative", and went off on her way. Wallace just stared at the scout girl, love struck.

"Hey officer," Wallace joked to himself, "I'd like to report a stolen heart!"

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**All right! Evelyn's here! Chapter Four will (hopefully) arrive soon! I'm actually re-mastering and re-editing some parts since I've changed some designs and descriptions from the original draft.**


	4. The Meeting

**And so, I decided to upload Chapter Four. This one was a little trickier to translate into human form with some of the actions, but I think I managed to get around them well. Also, see if you can find a reference to ****_The Phantom Menace_**** somewhere in the text. =D**

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**Chapter Four: The Meeting**

Evelyn went about town, scanning the ground beneath her, with Wallace treading right behind. He followed her into an abandoned ShoppyMart store, where she scanned a pinwheel. As he continued to follow her, Wallace bumped into a shopping cart, and a whole barrage of them followed right behind.

"Somebody save me from these dreaded things!" cried Wallace as he scurried swiftly.

The shopping carts crashed Wallace on the front door; the scout took off, ignoring the poor rubbish collector.

"Some people just try too hard," Evelyn told herself as she walked out of the store.

After a day of arduous work, Evelyn decided to rest for the night at a nearby power plant. She had changed into a soft white nightgown, and tucked herself into a sleeping bag. Wallace crept right behind her, observed her, and then found a toilet seat, a paintbrush, a canvas, and some tempera paints. He started working on something.

"What a peaceful face," Wallace whispered to himself, "She's even more marvelous in her rest. Eh, maybe I'll keep the round white thing for my collection."

That morning, Evelyn arose, only to find a painting of herself, depicting her in graceful flight, standing before her very eyes. She circumscribed the canvas, then hovered away, while Wallace watched her close by.

Evelyn spent her day scanning random objects around the outskirts of town, such as a pizza delivery truck, an Andy Gump-type port-a-potty, a space capsule, and a freighter hold, but all her scans turned up negative.

"Aaaahhhh! This is hopeless!" Evelyn grumbled in frustration.

All of a sudden, she was pulled by an electromagnet. Wallace was shocked to see her in danger.

Evelyn struggled to free herself, but she could not. That's when she aimed her blast cannon at the magnet, fired, and the whole thing came crashing down on the freighter, creating a fiery explosion. She descended down to the ground, and watched as one freighter fell after the other, resulting in an even bigger explosion than the one she caused. Wallace treaded right up to her, and building up enough courage, he cleared his throat and said, "Are you an angel?"

"No," Evelyn answered as she turned around and finally took notice of him, "Why do you ask me such a thing?"

"Oh dear," Wallace sighed, "That's the worst romantic line ever spoken from a science fiction movie, isn't it?"

"No, it's actually very nice," Evelyn answered.

"In the movie I learned that line from," began Wallace, "deep space pirates describe angels as the most beautiful creatures in the universe."

"You're a funny little boy," giggled Evelyn, "So, do you have a directive?"

"What?" Wallace was confused, "Oh, a directive! Yes I do! Watch me."

Wallace grabbed a pile of trash and firmly patted it into a cube. "Ta-da!" he exclaimed.

"Oooh," Evelyn was fascinated.

"Do you have a directive?" Wallace inquired.

"I do, but it is classified," answered Evelyn.

"Oh," Wallace understood, "I didn't know."

"So," Evelyn started again, "What's your name?"

"Me?" Wallace was eager to reply, "My name is Wallace―starts with 'Wall', ends with 'E'. And my surname is Cooper."

"Wallace," Evelyn repeated in a smooth, pleasing tone, "That's a really cute name."

At the sound of her voice, Wallace's heart nearly melted. In fact, he almost fainted.

"Sorry about that," Wallace apologized, "And what might you're name be?"

"My name is Dr. Evelyn McCrea," answered Evelyn, "You may just call me Evelyn, if you wish. Technically, that's what I prefer."

"Evelyn," Wallace pondered, "that is the most beautiful name I've ever heard. What a sweet sound."

"I'm glad you like it," Evelyn replied. She then giggled as Wallace repeated her name over and over. However, a warning on his cell phone went off, telling him that a sandstorm was approaching. He reached to grab Evelyn, but she drew out her blast cannon.

"Hey, what do you think you are doing?!" Evelyn asked, bothered by what she thought was a disrespectful gesture.

Wallace backed away, and the sand hit them hard. Unfortunately, Evelyn got lost in the storm, and she grew terrified.

"Wallace! Wallace!" Evelyn cried out. At that moment, Wallace reached out and took her by the hand. He led her to the safety of his truck home, where they both would be safe. Evelyn sneezed, then took a look around the place, gazing at the enormous collection of junk that Wallace possessed, occupying shelf after shelf after shelf… and it goes on.

Evelyn was captivated by the hanging lights in the ceiling of the truck. She walked slowly, when a singing fish startled her. She immediately drew out her blast cannon.

"Don't destroy that!" Wallace panicked, "It's my most prized singing sea-bass. Here, try this metal thingy. You may like it."

As he continued showing her around, Wallace handed Evelyn an eggbeater which she spun around so hard, it broke. And without him noticing, she put in back on the shelf. Then, Wallace found a sheet of bubble wrap, and showed it to her.

"Popping these things is fun!" Evelyn exclaimed as she popped the bubble wrap.

Wallace then gave Evelyn an old lava lamp. She pressed a button and it lit up.

"Goodness!" Wallace was shocked, "Let me see that. Maybe it's broken."

Wallace took back the lava lamp to see if it was fine, which it was. He handed it back to Evelyn, but she lit it up again.

"These things are amazing," giggled Evelyn.

"Let me have that," Wallace kindly took it back, "At this rate it could have exploded with the energy you seem to be supplying it."

Wallace took back the lamp and handed Evelyn a Rubik's cube. Next, he showed her his DVD copy of _Camp Rock_. By the time he returned, the scout girl had solved the cube.

"How is this possible?" Wallace wondered as he stared at the solved cube.

"Wow!" Evelyn grew excited as she looked at the DVD. She then scratched it by accident.

"Aaaaaaaahhh!" Wallace screeched. He then cleaned the CD and put it in to watch. He wanted to show Evelyn how to dance to "Hasta La Vista" on a trampoline.

Evelyn bounced on the trampoline, but her force was too strong for the truck to take. Some of Wallace's stuff was even about to fall off the shelves.

"Stop that!" Wallace panicked, "You're gonna ruin my collection and destroy my home at this rate!"

Wallace then showed her how to twirl, but she spun to fast. In fact, the strength of her whirling sent Wallace crashing into the roof.

"I'm ok," Wallace said, weakly.

The poor trash collector managed to get himself down, but he was hurt in the accident. Fortunately, he had a first aid kit to treat himself with. He pulled out a bandage and put it under his right eye.

"Ta-da!" exclaimed Wallace, "I fixed my eye. How'd you like it?"

Evelyn just gazed at Wallace, until the scene with Mitchie and Shane began playing on the TV. She pulled out a lighter from a shelf, and lit it up. Wallace looked at the singers on TV, and then turned his wide eyes to look at Evelyn, admiring her soft eyes, and the serene expression on her face that made everything around her so calm. He also took note of her white dress, which was so sleek, it made her resemble an iPod. He then took a microphone in one hand, trying to imitate the scene on TV as Mitchie and Shane sung "This is Me", and reached for Evelyn's hand with the other. However, he cowered and pulled away.

"Uh, I thought I dropped something," panicked Wallace, "Hold on, wait right there! I know something you're gonna love!"

As Evelyn watched Wallace reach for his upper shelves, a drum fell on his head.

"Ouch!" yelped Wallace, "Excuse that, please."

"You make me laugh," Evelyn giggled to herself.

The scout girl then took notice of the screen, as she watched Mitchie and Shane holding hands on the Final Jam Stage. She scanned it, and gazed at the screen for a moment, until Wallace gave her a tap on the shoulder. He presented the stalk of celery he found earlier.

"Uh, Evelyn?" Wallace asked nervously, "I found this green thing yesterday, and I was wondering if you would like it. I've never seen anything so brilliantly colored, let alone green. I wonder, what do you think it is?"

"Wow!" exclaimed Evelyn, "How did you know green is one of my favorite colors? If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this is a stalk of celery―"

All of a sudden, Evelyn took the potted celery, and started examining it. She even pulled out a book titled _The Undisputable Field Guide to Plants and Vegetation_ (brought to you by ShoppyMart), and started checking to see if it was a genuine specimen of photosynthesis.

"What's going on here?" Wallace was confused.

"This is what I've been looking for all along!" Evelyn cheered wildly.

Evelyn danced uncontrollably as she placed the celery in a backpack on the back of her uniform. In fact, she was so exhilarated, her eyes shut, and she fainted after shortness of breath, banging her head on the floor. Wallace thought she was dead!

"This cannot be happening!" Wallace cried out, desperately, "I killed her. I killed my only love! How could this happen?!"

Wallace then noticed a green light pulsing on Evelyn's chest, and listened for a heartbeat. He patted her gently, but she still didn't wake. He then realized she was just unconscious.

"Thank goodness," Wallace was relieved, "She's just unconscious. Now how do I wake her up? Evelyn? Evelyn?! EVELYN!"

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**Ok, so this part sounds a little silly, knowing the fact that Evelyn is going to remain in a vegetative state for a few weeks. The only explanation I could come up with is that before she goes on a scouting mission, she is probably fed nutrients and synthetic stimulants to keep her alive for up to a month or two, being that she has barely or no food with her. Then again, they don't usually go into a vegetative state and just wait on standby for the return trip, but in Evelyn's case, she suffered an accidental concussion. Just needed to do something that would imitate EVE going into sleep mode...**


	5. Unconscious

**So... here's Chapter Five of ****_Star Vacation!_****. Another short chapter and probably only the next one after this is short as well. Another theory I had to solve my plot hole is that the detection of chlorophyll somehow activated a jolting signal in her uniform (it's technologically modified to scan vegetation and store it in a backpack) to assist her in standby mode; the concussion just sped it up. Anyways, just enjoy this next chapter. =D**

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**Chapter Five: Unconscious**

The sun was shining brightly that next morning, as Wallace climbed up to the roof of his truck, with the weight of Evelyn on his shoulders. He then set her down on the hot metal of the roof; the sun's rays hitting her face. He was sure that the light would wake her up.

"The sunlight works wonders for me," Wallace assured himself, "There should be no problem in waking you up."

An unconscious Evelyn lay there, her face so idyllic, yet unmoving. Wallace gazed at her, and then turned his eyes to the pulsing light on her uniform, wondering what was its significance.

"Oh come on!" Wallace grew frustrated, "If the sunlight won't wake you up, what will?!"

All of a sudden, a storm was rolling in across the bay. Wallace turned around to see large, dark clouds appearing in the distance, breaking through the golden-brown mist that covered the sky.

"Oh great," groaned Wallace sarcastically, "This day couldn't get any better!"

Later that day, the thunder and the rain hit hard on the earth. Wallace stood next to Evelyn, holding an umbrella over her, while he read a book of amazing, but true facts of life.

"It is said that lightning strikes men four times as much as women," Wallace read off a book, but then he got struck by a lightning bolt himself. He opened up another umbrella, and once again, got hit by another bolt.

The next day, a powerful sandstorm hit. Wallace, in his unyielding quest to revive Evelyn, put a barrel over her to protect her from the raging sand, while he himself got buried by it.

"I can't wait to see how this week improves!" Wallace shouted in disdain.

Two days after that, Wallace put on a pair of doctor's gloves, laid Evelyn on the roof of his truck again, and stuck a stethoscope inside her dress. He then took out an old defibrillator he grabbed from his truck, and attempted to jumpstart her heart. However, he wasn't prepared for what was about to happen; for some reason, the shock paddles backfired on him.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Wallace as he flew off the roof of his truck and landed on a pile of rubbish, "Talk about blowing me away!"

Later that evening, Wallace wrapped a string of Christmas lights around Evelyn as a necklace, and carried her to a river of searing, muddy sludge. He set her down in a shopping cart inside a monster truck tire, and then pulled out a road sign to use as an oar so he could row the tire on the river. He even set a pink umbrella beside Evelyn, for her to hold.

"You look so beautiful in this orange glow," Wallace swooned as he carried Evelyn in his arms.

Wallace then set his "Sleeping Beauty" right beside him on a bench, as he stared out into the dried bay, and the sunset suddenly turned a soft pink, mixed with gold, tangerine, and fuschia. He sighed lovingly, activated the laser in his glasses, and burned his name and Evelyn's into the side of a trash can, and finished off by drawing a heart around the names.

"Oh, I hope this does the trick," Wallace told himself, "The sunset is so marvelous today."

Wallace then put his left arm around Evelyn's shoulder, and took her hand with his right, as he watched the breathtaking view from the bench the two were seated on. Unfortunately, she collapsed on him, and as he struggled to free himself, the two fell off and tumbled right behind the trash can.

The next night, as a full moon shone intensely through the night clouds, Wallace again sat on the roof of his home. He had Evelyn placed on a chair, and a game controller he brought her sat untouched on her lap. He had decided on playing "Disney™ Sing It" to wake her up.

"I've tried everything!" yelled Wallace in frustration, still trying to believe Evelyn was awake, "I give up! Besides, your singing skills are weak, my sweet, sweet Evelyn."

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**And so, Wallace has tried everything. **

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation!_****:**

**WALLACE: Hey, it's Wallace here! So you know how you've tried everything from sunset viewing to video gaming just to wake up your beloved but nothing seems to work and the only thing telling you that she's still got a heartbeat going is the glowing green light on her uniform? I mean, what's up with that? Totally stinky! **

**ANNOUNCER: Next time-**

**WALLACE: "Across the Stars"... Don't forget it!**


	6. Across the Stars

**Chapter Six has arrived. Now we're going to pick up the pace a little more! **

**Also, see if you can find a reference to both ****_Star Wars:_****_A New Hope_**** and the movie ****_Contact_****. =)**

* * *

**Chapter Six: Across the Stars**

A week had passed by, and Evelyn had shown no signs of consciousness. One Monday morning, Wallace had left her on the roof of his truck, as he went to go compact more rubbish. However, he wasn't as happy to do his job, for he had enjoyed spending his time with Evelyn. Somehow, being alone with his trash and his movies didn't feel the same way as it did before this girl entered his life. As he worked, Wallace found another match lighter and opened it. The flame reminded him of when Evelyn opened up the lighter, and how the luminescence of that glow gave her face the dreamlike quality that had whisked away his every breath whenever he locked his gaze on her.

"Why did I have to give her the celery?" Wallace began to doubt himself.

As he gathered himself a pile of garbage to make another trash cube, he felt the ground shake; the sky lighting up with fire. It was the scout transport, returning to take back Evelyn.

"Oh no," Wallace began to talk to himself, "They're here for her. This must be my punishment for getting her knocked out! I'm not gonna let you take back my comatose, yet stunningly attractive Evelyn McCrea!"

Wallace raced up to his truck, running faster than he had ever run from the harshest sandstorm. Fido, fearing for his master's safety, scurried up a few trash piles to catch up. However, Wallace stopped the insect in its path.

"Fido," began Wallace, "I want you to stay here in this position. Do not move from this piece of junk. Do you understand?"

Fido chirped in obedience to Wallace's command.

"Good boy," Wallace commended his pet, "I'll be back. I promise."

Wallace then sprinted swiftly up the highway ramp, when he saw two men dressed in uniform, lifting Evelyn onto what looked to be a hovering bed, and took her into a passenger hold. Wallace climbed up the ladder on the ship, and snuck inside, managing to evade detection from the ship's pilots and crew. He then sat down in a seat and buckled himself in, when he heard the ship's intercom switch on.

"Ok, scouts," began the pilot, "We are now leaving the earth and heading back to the _Postulate_, where you'll be cleaned and debriefed on your reconnaissance. For the ride home, we are going to provide you some elevator music to listen to."

"Pfffftt! Elevator music!" Wallace grumbled, "How boooo-ring!"

"And now, we'll initiate the countdown," continued the pilot, "Be sure you've got your safety restraints."

"How can the scouts hear you when they're sleeping?!" interrupted the co-pilot.

"Oh, excuse that then," the pilot corrected himself, "We will be taking off any minute now."

"Preparing for takeoff in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1," announced the ship's computer.

_Whoooooosh!_ The ship lifted off in less than a second, zooming into the sky, through the atmosphere, bursting through a field of ShoppyMart satellites and out of the earth's orbit. The consular ship then deactivated its boosters, and Wallace looked out the window.

"There," Wallace sighed after his incessant screaming; "now I can take a look at the view out the―"

Surprisingly, Sputnik I was stuck outside Wallace's window.

"Yo, Sputnik," Wallace started, "You're blocking my view!"

Wallace pounded on the window, and the satellite fell off, "Now I can see the view―WOW! All those stars! And my home! I've never seen anything like it in my entire life! It's so beautiful, a poet should be describing this."

All of a sudden, Wallace's face turned green, and his eyes grew wide. Quickly, he reached for a motion sickness bag, and stuck his head inside it.

After disposing of the waste, Wallace walked back to his seat, when he suddenly noticed the room where Evelyn and four other scouts were being kept. He opened the door quietly as to not disturb the scouts or the crew. Slowly, he tip-toed towards Evelyn's bed and he knelt down beside her.

"Evelyn," he whispered, "If only you were awake to see this. I wish you could see all the stars outside the window. You could even see my planet from here."

Wallace walked out of the room silently. However, he had to go to the bathroom, so he tip-toed to the nearest lavatory.

After taking care of his business, Wallace walked into an observation deck room with an enormous window. There, he saw the sun in full view, with its solar flares bursting sporadically.

"The sun is so spectacular," Wallace told himself in pure astonishment, "I get to see it up close for the first time."

Wallace took out his solar-panel necklace to reflect the sunlight onto his face. He then decided to sit in a seat and watch the beautiful view of the universe.

During the course of the trip, Wallace was able to observe many sights. Among the many wonders of the Milky Way he witnessed were the moon (where an American flag still stood, and so did a holo-billboard advertising for a ShoppyMart outlet), a star experiencing supernova, and even the ice rings of Saturn.

"Those rings are truly a sight to behold," Wallace told himself, "It's almost like I could reach my hand out, and run my fingers through them."

At the thought of that idea, Wallace got up from his seat and began running his hands across the window, as if he were actually touching the planet's rings. He then chuckled at himself for his nonsensical behavior.

"Evelyn would have been delighted to see me laugh and run," Wallace sighed, "In fact, I wish I could see her sitting down beside me right now, and giggling so sweetly."

The consular vessel was now in deep space, where stars still sparkled, and there were many purple nebulae floating around. While Wallace watched the view from the large window, he noticed something strange. He saw an enormous metallic structure hidden behind an amethyst nebula. One thing for sure, it wasn't an asteroid.

"That's no moon," Wallace grew surprised to see where Evelyn had come from, "That's the _Postulate_."

_Lead in to Chapter Seven:_

Vacation—the ultimate getaway. These are the voyages of the ShoppyMart_ Postulate_, and its continuing journey to enjoy relaxation; to become couch potatoes. To boldly go where no vacation has gone before!

(Original _Star Trek_ theme plays)

* * *

**Now we're getting somewhere! Wallace has just boarded the S.M.S. ****_Postulate_****!**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation!_****:**

**WALLACE: Hey, it's me Wallace again! So you know how you've just flown through the cosmos on a giant rocket and saw all the sights and wonders of the universe and even pretended to touch the ice rings of Saturn? Isn't that exciting?! I found it to be a wonderful travel experience! I wish I could have actually swept some of those ice bits with my hand. **

**ANNOUNCER: Next time...**

**WALLACE: "Enter Mo, the Neat Freak", Read It!- wait, there's going to be a neat freak?**


	7. Enter Mo, the Neat Freak

**Woo-hoo! Chapter Seven has arrived. Now here is where things start picking up, now that we have more characters and people appearing on the scene. In fact, every time I read the "Mo" part in my fanfic, I just laugh about it as I recite it in my head. Hopefully you guys enjoy as much as I do too!**

**Also, I did do a little something different from the movie, just to add some interest to the story. It's just some minor characters in a docking bay control room is all. As always, have fun reading!**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Enter Mo, the Neat Freak**

"I've only seen it in holo-ads back home," Wallace told himself, "but this is ridiculous! I didn't think it be _this_ huge. It's probably bigger than the Death Star, by the looks of it."

The transport approached the exceedingly massive starliner slowly but steadily. The word "Postulate" was written bold and proudly on the bow of the cruiser, and a ShoppyMart logo was printed to the left of it. The consular ship was then taken inside Docking Bay 327, with the assistance of docking vehicles. Docking teams waited at the bay floor to help bring it in safely.

After a safe docking, Wallace unbuckled himself and crept out of an entryway on the side of the ship. He then crawled out onto a bridge, and treaded his way to a ramp, where he saw a group of people, dressed in clean uniforms, running amuck, as if they were preparing for something big.

Wallace was in a state of pure shock—he had never seen so many people before, all running back and forth to do their jobs. He was also struck by the fact that the place was clean and spotless, like nothing he had ever seen before back on Earth; he could even breathe the air without worrying that his next inhalation could kill him.

"I can actually breathe here," Wallace whispered to himself, "It feels fresh and non-toxic."

"The scouts are back!" a crewmember cried out, "Prepare for unloading."

Wallace hid inside the entryway of the ship, still confused by all the commotion. "What in the world—I mean, what in the _universe_ is all this? I thought this was supposed to be a cruise liner where people could vacation, not work!"

Many other crewmembers set up an unloading station for the five scouts (of which Evelyn was one), and some workers headed up to bring down the scouts to the floor. Wallace hid under a hover-bed, being taken along with Probe Three.

"I'm pretty sure this is a faster way to Evelyn," Wallace told himself.

Up in a control room overlooking the docking bay, two overseers were watching over the operations down below. They were viewing reports on their holo-computers.

"Seems like the reconnaissance was pretty fast this year," said Ron, the first overseer, "We usually give then about a month."

"According to this report," began Sherrie, the second overseer, "It seems that Probe One sent a distress signal. I wonder what the emergency could have been."

"Hold on to the report," advised Ron, "Once we get the results of the recon, we could probably see what's going on, and send the report to _Postulate_ Superior if needed."

"Will do," answered Sherrie.

Ron then pulled down a microphone and hit an intercom button, "Ok, the scouts are here. Summon the Clean Team!"

A crewmember on the bay floor pressed a button on his control pad, calling for four custodians to clean the scouts. The janitors marched out of their station in a single file line. The first one was Adrian Mo, who carried a Swiffer™ Wet Jet. The second one was Dyson Eureka, who carried a vacuum. The third one was Selena Febreze, who carried a bottle of fabric softener, and the fourth one was James Buffer, who carried an electric buffer.

"Stop!" called Mo, the lead janitor, "Wait for it…now!"

A crewmember lane lit up on the floor, and Mo led his squad to the platform where they had placed the scouts. His first job: cleaning up Evelyn. He used his heat-sensitive lenses to detect any dirt or germs present. His lenses computed Evelyn to be 16% contaminated.

"Germs make me sick," Mo grumbled, "Well, gotta get to work."

Mo adjusted the handle of his mop and started to clean Evelyn. His "clean team", then finished her off by shining her, vacuuming her, and spraying her uniform to smell nice. The group subsequently moved on to Probe Two.

"What is going on here?!" Wallace talked to himself, standing next to Probe Three, "I don't know what any of this is, but it sure is strange."

At that moment, when Mo got around to working on Probe Three, he also caught sight of Wallace, which he computed to be 100% contaminated.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Mo told himself, "This is all so very wrong."

Wallace just stared at the obsessive janitor. Mo thrust his mop at the dumpster diver, trying to cover him with suds and Swiffer™ Wet Jet liquid.

"What is the matter with you?" asked Wallace playfully.

"What's the matter?!" Mo grew angry, "You are covered in foreign contaminant! That's what the matter! I can't have a dirty lad like you running across this immaculate, sanitary, hygienic luxury cruiseliner and ruining its spotless, spick-and-span beauty!"

"What's foreign contaminant?' asked Wallace as he treaded around the floor.

"The junk you're covered in!" answered Mo, holding his nose.

"You've got a lot of issues, shorty," Wallace told Mo, "by the way, you have something on your nose. Let me get that for you."

Wallace reached to wipe a speck of dirt that had landed on Mo's nose, and in the process, covering his face and helmet with dirt.

"Aaaaaaaahhhh!" Mo screamed, "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY HYGIENIC FACE!"

As Mo struggled to clean his face with his mop, an elevator arrived, a red lane lit up on the floor, and a well-groomed officer stepped out. He was dressed in a white uniform and black boots, resembling an Imperial Officer's attire (from _Star Wars_), and a red hat. The badge on his tunic was a hidden camera. His name was Grand Moff Gopher, and he actually did resemble Grand Moff Tarkin from _Star Wars_. Two Stormtroopers (_Postulate_ police officers) followed him as he walked down his red police lane, making their way to the scouts.

"Ignore the neat freak," Grand Moff Gopher began, "We must begin scanning these scouts, though I'm pretty sure they're all negative, as usual."

"Sir," began one Stormtrooper, "Maybe we should send a report up to_ Postulate_ Superior saying that they're all negative again so we don't have to go through this trouble."

"I'm not in charge, but we must comply with the procedure," Grand Moff Gopher explained, "Well, then, let's begin the useless scan."

Grand Moff Gopher took out a scanning device from his belt, and started running the diagnostics with Probe Five. As he progressed down the platform, he caught sight of Wallace.

"Hmm, that's odd," the officer told himself, "Well, better keep moving."

Grand Moff Gopher continued his scanning until he reached Evelyn. When he scanned her, his red scan beam suddenly turned green, computing a "Positive" result. Alarms went off in the docking bay, and all the lights turned green. Crewmembers ran across the floor as if an unexpected apocalypse had come upon them.

"Code Green! Code Green!" screamed the crew, "Activate a transport this instant!"

In the control room, Sherrie began to file a report to send up to_ Postulate_ superior.

"We have a specimen on the premises," Sherrie reported over the intercom, "I'll be activating a transport; Stormtroopers, please escort Probe One to _Postulate_ Superior immediately!"

Back on the floor, a hover-transport was activated and sent to the platform. Grand Moff Gopher called for his two stormtroopers, and they immediately took Evelyn, and loaded her onto the transport.

"We cannot lose her," Grand Moff Gopher warned his guards, "Activate the energy bands!"

A stormtrooper pressed a button on the transport's control pad, activating three energy bands to restrain Evelyn. Wallace, desperate to get to his love, followed the officials as he treaded his way across the clean, shiny floor of the _Postulate_'s docking bay.

"I wonder what the co-pilot is going to say about this," Grand Moff Gopher told himself, "We've never had an emergency like this before."

Back in the bay, Mo was still going berserk, scrubbing the floor with his mop. To him, his meeting with Wallace seemed like his worst nightmare had just come true.

"I'm gonna clean you to oblivion!" Mo screamed, noticing Wallace's shoe-prints on the floor. He was determined to clean up the trail, but he was afraid to jump off his crewmember lane.

"I hope the officials don't bust me…" Mo grew nervous.

Mo took a step off his work lane, and nothing happened. Relieved, he then proceeded to wash Wallace's grimy trail.

"That dirty boy is gonna get the cleaning of his life!" the neurotic janitor shouted into the air.

Wallace was now inside an elevator, along with Grand Moff Gopher and the two stormtroopers, who didn't seem to notice him hiding behind the transport.

_Whew!_ Wallace thought to himself, _they don't even know I'm here. Good._

Wallace then knelt down and leaned on the transport, gazing at Evelyn's face.

"It's gonna be alright, Evelyn," Wallace whispered, "I'm pretty sure this _Postulate_ Superior will figure out how to wake you up or something."

* * *

**So... now Mo's come on the scene, and so has Grand Moff Gopher with some Stormtroopers. Next chapter is actually going to be pretty lengthy and detailed, but nonetheless an interesting one.**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation_****...**

**MO: Greetings, my name is Adrian Mo, and I am the ****_Postulate_****'s top-notch five-star janitor, here to say that I think I've just had the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! NEVER HAVE I SEEN SO MUCH FOREIGN CONTAMINANT BEFORE! IT'S A LIVING NIGHTMARE!**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time...**

**MO: Life on the ****_Postulate_****. Be sure to read it!**


	8. Life on the Postulate

**This is the longest chapter in the entire story. Basically, it's supposed to detail the everyday life of both crewmembers and passengers alike onboard the ****_Postulate_****. Hope all you readers enjoy this installment of ****_Star Vacation_****!**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Life on the **_**Postulate**_

The elevator reached the service decks of the _Postulate_. The doors opened wide to reveal a hallway of mass traffic, flowing in multiple directions; there were crewmembers walking everywhere. Some were carrying heavy loads, others were rushing to repair things, and yet some were being summoned for service. Grand Moff Gopher directed the hover-transport smoothly through the hectic traffic, and onto another white lane. Wallace, on the other hand, was mesmerized by the commotion of the crewmembers in the hall, and in the process, lost track of Evelyn and the officers taking her.

"Oh my goodness," Wallace was astonished, "So many people, all working so hard to the point of exhaustion; it's almost as if this was their only way of life. Where's the fun? Where's the personality? Where's the thrill?"

After a moment of shock, Wallace came back to his senses and remembered that he was following the officers with the transport that carried Evelyn.

"Oh man," Wallace sighed, "I can't even pass through here. Let me try and take a step…"

Wallace moved slowly towards the center of the hallway, gently setting his foot on a crewmember lane, when all of a sudden, two, then four, then ten crewmembers had collided with him.

"Hey, watch it!" shouted one crewmember.

"You could have gotten us killed!" yelled another.

"What's the matter with you?!"

"Seriously, move outta the way!"

"You're holding up the traffic!"

Wallace could not stand so many exclamations being spewed at him. He quickly got up and stammered clumsily through the halls. Unfortunately, he was not used to traffic like this, so crewmembers collided as he scurried through the corridors of the service deck.

Wallace then reached a wall bordering a wider passage, where he discovered a holo-directory of the _Postulate_. He stared at it for a moment, trying to figure out where he was and where the transport was being taken.

"Ok," Wallace began, "According to this directory, this dot says that I'm here. I don't know how exactly to operate holo-screens, but maybe they work like the touch-screens I've seen in the ShoppyMart stores back home."

However, Wallace had absolutely no idea where _Postulate_ Superior was located, or how to get to it.

"I hope this thing is voice-interactive," Wallace told himself, "Directory, show me _Postulate_ Superior!"

"Accessing location," the directory computed, "_Postulate_ Superior is located at the bow of the cruiser. It is the command bridge of the entire cruiser. Here, the captain oversees all the daily duties of the _Postulate_ and regulates the time and weather, while leaving the ship itself to be navigated by a fully automated, state-of-the-art piloting system unmatched by any previous GPS on Earth―"

At that moment, images of the bridge and its control panels flooded the holo-screen. One picture in particular depicted a tall, handsome, and smiling captain with a strong, athletic build and an impassive co-pilot standing in front of him, saluting his boss. However, Wallace was not interested in the information about the bridge; he just wanted to know how to get there.

"Could you please stop babbling on about the bridge and show me how to get to the messed up place?!" Wallace exploded.

"To get to _Postulate_ Superior from this point, take the Service/Economy Transit North," began the directory, "Stay on white lane if you are a crewmember. Use blue lane if you are a passenger. Use red lane if you are _Postulate_ Security. Follow your designated lane through coach-class deck and through the concourse up to the lido deck. Take elevator to bridge lobby. Take elevator in the tower. You will have arrived at _Postulate_ Superior."

"Is there a faster way?" Wallace inquired.

"Take a Monorail from Economy to First Class/Lido, then take the tower elevator up," answered the directory.

"Thanks a million!" exclaimed Wallace. He then ran off into the central hallway, when he saw Grand Moff Gopher and the Stormtroopers with the transport.

"Evelyn!" Wallace exclaimed, "I'm coming for you!"

As Wallace raced through the Service/Economy Transit North, he then ran into two obese men named Tubby and Chunkers, who were seated in hover chairs, one right next to the other. The two communicated via Holo-Skype, that is, holo-screen chat.

"So, what do you wanna do today?" asked Tubby.

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Chunkers asked his friend.

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Tubby inquired.

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Chunkers asked again.

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" it was Tubby's turn to ask again.

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Chunkers inquired yet again.

"How 'bout we ride the roller coaster?" Tubby suggested.

"No, we rode that one too many times already," Chunkers replied, "And besides, the last time, I kinda hurled."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Tubby answered.

As the two men disappeared into an upcoming transit, Wallace stared at them, bewildered.

"Those guys really need to go on a diet!" Wallace whispered to himself, hoping the men did not hear him.

As Wallace continued on his way, he saw a sign overhead an entrance, telling him he had arrived at the Economy deck. When he set foot in the deck, he again lost track of the transport, but this time, it was not due to crewmember traffic―the officers and Evelyn had now disappeared among the passengers of the _Postulate_.

"Humanity has really let itself go," Wallace told himself as he watched a multitude of morbidly obese passengers, all in hover chairs, gliding around the Economy Deck.

Wallace's words rung true; humanity had devolved into big fat babies. In fact, the human race shouldn't even be called human, overweight, or obese anymore. "Couch potato-kind" seemed like a more appropriate term to describe these beings. Furthermore, being called a "Fatso" could even be taken as a compliment rather than the derogatory colloquialism it was back in Earth's golden age before ShoppyMart ruined it all.

"So this is how people spend their vacation," Wallace started, "All they're doin' is Holo-Tweeting and Holo-Skype-ing their friends, even if they're in the chair right next to them! How idiotic!"

Wallace watched hundreds of passengers, all gliding in their hover chairs around the concourse of the Economy Deck. Slowly, he made his way across the floor, careful not to bump into anyone. As he walked he noticed that many passengers were indeed, chatting with Holo-Skype and/or Holo-Twitter, while some others did online shopping, some watched really obnoxious videos on ShoppyTube, and some were drinking liquefied meals. In the background, the song "Fat", by "Weird Al" Yankovic, blared loudly from the surrounding speakers. A few passengers sang along to the catchy tune.

As Wallace reached the Economy/Coach Transit, the volume of the passenger chatter increased, with comments such as "No!", "Oh really?!", "I can't hear you!", "So, how's everything?", "You're not serious!", "LOL!", among others. Wallace ran through the tunnel, trying to avoid all the ranting that plagued his ears.

"This place is sooooo noisy!" Wallace shouted as he ran, yet no one could hear him.

The noise cleared up by the time Wallace had reached the Coach/First Class Transit, as the space grew more open. Wallace looked up at the clear, blue, simulated sky, only to see a fake sun, displaying the ShoppyMart logo, the time, and the temperature.

"ShoppyMart!" announced the ship's computer, "Everything you need to be happy. If you're not shopping, you're not happy. When you shop ShoppyMart, you shop Smart!"

_Oh my goodness_, Wallace had entered a state of disbelief, _so this is ShoppyMart's idea of vacation. None of this is real! It's all simulated and virtual and computer-y! It's just like in _The Matrix_, where everybody lived an illusion in order to power up a main computer._

As Wallace continued his journey, a blond male passenger glided by, calling for a crewmember to take his meal cup. Unfortunately, he mistook Wallace for that crewmember, and as the rotund man tried to extend his cup out, he accidentally leaned over and tumbled out of his chair, and landed on the floor. A red lane lit up around him, and two Stormtroopers rushed to his aid.

"Stormtroopers!" cried out the man, "Please, help me up! Please!"

"Please remain stationary," one of the Stormtroopers responded, "A service crewmember will be here to assist you."

However, the man panicked and cried for help, and so Wallace immediately rushed to aid him, however, the Stormtroopers would not let him through.

"A service crewmember will be here to assist him," the Stormtrooper told Wallace.

"You don't need to wait for a crewmember to assist him," Wallace waved his right hand in front of the Stormtroopers, using the Jedi Mind Trick Obi-Wan used in Star Wars, "This isn't the passenger you're looking for. You don't need to see his identification."

The Stormtrooper remained unresponsive for a moment. After a moment, he replied, "This isn't the passenger were helping. We don't need to see his identification. Move along, move along."

As the Stormtroopers left, Wallace bent down to try and lift the man back into his chair.

"Well," began Wallace, "I've lifted trash, so I can probably lift this dude as well."

Wallace slipped his hands under the fallen man, and using all his strength, he was able to raise the portly passenger back onto his chair.

"Oh thank you," exclaimed the man, "You're a lifesaver!"

"Nice to meet you by the way," Wallace extended a hand greeting, "By the way, I'm Wallace."

"I'm John," replied the man, confused.

"Evelyn!" Wallace exclaimed as he turned his attention to the transport he was pursuing.

"No, John," repeated John.

Wallace ran off, "I've got a girl to catch! See ya' later John!" he bid John farewell.

John lay on his hoverchair. "Bye Wallace," he replied back.

Wallace had finally caught up with the transport carrying Evelyn. He saw Grand Moff Gopher and the Stormtroopers board a train.

"That must be the monorail!" Wallace exclaimed.

Wallace ran straight onto the tram, and ended up being sandwiched between three passengers. A holo-railing on the edge of the tram activated to keep riders safe.

"Oh great," Wallace sighed, "Now I'm stuck, again!"

"Please remain inside the tram until we come to a complete stop," announced an intercom on the tram, "Now departing for First Class/Lido Transit."

The tram started to move across the _Postulate_'s First Class City Concourse. Holo-advertisements lit up the municipality, advertising food, fashion, holo-arcades, hover-chairs, retail, music, entertainment, and ever the latest crewmember services.

"Mmm, time for lunch—in a cup!" announced the computer.

Over at one of the food courts, about over 100 passengers were given meal cups, and they downed their portions in big gulps, rather than small sips.

Wallace continued to watch. He was shocked and stunned by the mass consumerism being encouraged by the ads that surrounded him and the passengers. At the same time, he stood in awe of the city structures and billboards which seemed to resemble the planet Coruscant, from the _Star Wars_ prequel trilogy. He then noticed a large beauty salon called Makeover Palace, where many passenger women went to get their hair, makeup, and nails done.

"Feel beautiful!" the computer proclaimed.

Inside the salon, flamboyant beauticians, all dressed in pink, were attending to their clients; curling hair, touching-up cosmetics, giving manicures, and creating hairstyles that were works of art, all while complimenting their customers.

"It's the new you!" "You look gorgeous!" "This lip color is so you!" "I do suggest some glitter with your manicure," were some of the flattering compliments the beauticians uttered in the salon.

Back to Wallace; after having seen the salon, he then noticed a day care center. He turned his attention to it to see how the children were being taught.

"My, they're probably brainwashing those kids into a life of shopping, eating and vacation," Wallace assumed.

And his assumption was right. Inside the day care center, a nanny stood there, with a holo-board and a stick, teaching babies the alphabet, while secretly brainwashing them into becoming ShoppyMart customers for life.

"Let's learn random letters of the alphabet today," began the nanny, "'P' is for _Postulate_, your home sweet home. 'S' is for ShoppyMart, your very best friend."

So this was life on the _Postulate_. It was a life of shopping, buying, eating, consuming, and even indoctrination of the youth into the same routine.

"Vacation has indeed become an axiom of life for these people," Wallace concluded after witnessing the lifestyle ShoppyMart had established for its customers.

"Try red!" announced the computer, "It's the new blue!"

Having heard the announcement, all the passengers pressed a button on the control panel of their hoverchairs, and their jumpsuits instantly changed color.

"Oh, red is my favorite color!" exclaimed a woman chatting through Holo-Skype.

As Wallace moved towards the transport carrying Evelyn, he found his path blocked by the woman, whose name was Mary-Beth, who was sharing a conversation with a friend.

"Date?!" Mary-Beth asked, surprised, "Oh, don't even get me started! Every single holo-date has been a virtual disaster! For once in my life, if I could just meet a man that wasn't so superficial—"

Wallace bumped into the woman's chair, and deactivated her holo-screen, right as she was going to continue her chit-chat with her friend.

"Wh-what just happened?" Mary-Beth was in a state of shock and panic. It was as if her life had just faded away from her very eyes. For the first time in 700 years, a passenger's eyes had been open to the fake, simulated reality of the _Postulate_; it was history in the making.

Mary-Beth rose from her hover-chair, and took in the view of the buildings that surrounded her and the holo-ads that flashed before her very eyes. She was utterly dumbfounded; she could not even open her mouth to say one word that could describe all of this.

"Ww-waaaa-lll-aaaa-ce…" Wallace grew nervous as he introduced himself to the hefty woman.

"Um, uhh, Mary-Beth," Mary-Beth answered, still bewildered.

"Evelyn?" asked Wallace

"Oh, you want me to move?" Mary-Beth asked, "I'm not sure if that's what the word 'Evelyn' means in your language, but, sure?"

_What would you know about language?_ Wallace thought to himself, _You guys have probably been speaking the same language for like, seven centuries! How would you then have knowledge of foreign tongues if you've never had any others besides your own?_

"Uh, Wallace? Is something wrong?" Mary-Beth inquired.

"Oh no, I'm quite fine," Wallace replied, "Please, excuse me."

Mary-Beth moved her hover-chair, in order that Wallace could move to the transport.

"Oh, Evelyn," Wallace sighed, "I feel as we've just been reunited. I'll be with you and protect you."

The tram arrived at the First Class/Lido station, where the cyber-sun shined at its brightest. Passengers were gathered around the pools, yet none of them actually swam in the cool fresh, blue waters, for they just sunbathed by the poolside. Some people even called for pool service crewmembers to open up umbrellas for them. In fact, there was nothing that the passengers ever did on their own; there was a crewmember for tasks of every importance from paramount to menial onboard the _Postulate_. Also, the song "Vacation", by the Go-Gos, played in the background, as ambience music for the passengers.

The passengers from the tram disembarked to go relax on the grand lido deck, which bore a great resemblance to the fancy pools of an expensive Vegas resort. Wallace, on the other hand, followed the transport Grand Moff Gopher was pushing with Evelyn on it; the Stormtroopers were in no longer need of assistance here. As everyone left the tram, Mary-Beth hovered out, and turned her attention to the lido deck. At that moment, the grand central pool caught her eye.

"I didn't know we had a pool!" Mary-Beth gasped in astonishment.

* * *

**And so, history has begun to be made on the ****_Postulate_**** as Wallace continues to follow the love of his life. **

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation_****:**

**MARY-BETH: Hey there! It's me, Mary-Beth. So you know how you get your holo-screen disabled by some dirty boy you've never seen before and even looks like he came from the ****_Postulate_****'s garbage bay? And then you find out that this cruise ship has a pool? How weird is that? And considering I've lived my whole life on this ship...**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time...**

**MARY-BETH: "Captain's Log", oh, please read and tell me what the bridge is like!**


	9. Captain's Log

**So... Chapter Nine is here, and here's where we meet some more important characters! And they'll all be here in the ****_Postulate_**** Superior, charting a course for nonstop parody!**

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Captain's Log**

Grand Moff Gopher moved to the front seat of the transport and maneuvered it across a large hall, which had a floor with an enormous ShoppyMart logo. Wallace followed right behind, while holding onto the transport, without being noticed by the officer.

A man named Typo Organizer sat at a white desk. He was typing on a keyboard, one key at a time, silently, and unmoving. Grand Moff Gopher approached the secretary.

"Mr. Organizer," began Gopher, "May I gain admittance into the command bridge? I have a most urgent matter to discuss with the copilot."

Typo tilted his head upwards, raised his eyebrows, and looked directly into Grand Moff Gopher's eyes. He stared at him for a few seconds, and then opened his mouth to speak.

"You may proceed," the secretary replied.

"Thank you," answered Gopher. The officer then piloted the transport straight into the elevator, with Wallace holding on.

"Bye-bye, typing guy!" Wallace waved good-bye to Typo Organizer.

However, Typo didn't understand what Wallace was trying to tell him, so he just waved back, confused. He then gazed at his own hand for a moment, unable to continue his typing duties.

"Hmm," Typo began to converse with himself, "What a peculiar gesture. I wonder what it means."

Wallace, now in the elevator, began to grow nervous about what was going to happen to Evelyn. His uneasiness increased even more as he looked at the view from the elevator window; the lido deck growing smaller and smaller the higher he went.

_Well, _Wallace pondered, _we're going to the command bridge. I hope the crew here is able to snap you out of this. Besides, just the idea of a command bridge on this ship ensures top security and maintenance._

The elevator doors flew open with a _whoosh!_. And right there, before Wallace's eyes, lay the

_Postulate_'s Command Bridge. It was a humongous, round room, with brightly-colored neon control panels, circling the room. The front half of the wall was a large, panoramic window that offered a breathtaking view of the galaxy unlike any other. A mechanical breathing sound pervaded the whole of the enclosure.

At the center of the room stood a man; tall, stern, and bearing a mysterious countenance. He had black hair with a dark streak running down one side; pallid, lifeless flesh; and red eyes. However, his dark locks cascaded down one side of his face, so only one of his eyes could be seen. He was dressed like a pirate, all in white and black, with a glowing red belt buckle. He stood there, in the middle of the room, at the helm of a large, white MacInTalk 9000 steering wheel, slowly turning it as he stared out the window, gazing at the universe as he maneuvered the great vessel through the vast, star-studded oceans of the endless cosmos. This man was Auto Pirate; he was the co-pilot of the _Postulate_, and his directive was to navigate the colossal cruise-liner.

"Wow," sighed Wallace silently, "and I thought this place would resemble the _Enterprise_'s command bridge."

Grand Moff Gopher stepped off the transport, and slowly but surely, approached the tall co-pilot. He stood there, and then pressed a button on his siren-hat to announce his arrival. Auto immediately turned around.

"Greetings, Auto Pirate, Co-pilot of the _Postulate_," began Gopher, "I have come to you with an urgent matter. Please find some time to address this matter; it is of the utmost importance."

At that moment, the co-pilot left his wheel and walked over to Grand Moff Gopher to see what the emergency was.

"It's Probe One, sir," Gopher explained nervously, "It seems that she may have made some progress. Please check to see that this is not an error."

Auto Pirate moved forward, and took out a scan beam device from his belt. He then shined a red beam over the seemingly lifeless scout. After he finished the scan, he then stood on that spot silently for a few moments. His mind was turning, a sound like four drum beats started playing in his ears, and a number began to form in the back of his subconscious; a number that meant more to him than did the _Postulate_: A113.

"Co-pilot, sir," interrupted Grand Moff Gopher, "Is something bothering you?"

Auto Pirate snapped out of his imagination, and back to the real world. He then bent down slightly and began to whisper something into his officer's ear.

"It will be done, my lord," answered Grand Moff Gopher.

Auto Pirate then stepped down to a bedroom, where he called for the Captain to report to the bridge immediately.

"Captain," began Auto Pirate. "I suggest you get off your lazy behind and up to the command bridge right now."

Wallace looked around as the room lit up. Holo-portraits of the previous Captains glowed against a wall. The current one, Captain Boris McCrea, who was nicknamed "Captain Overload" in the subtitle for his portrait, was snoring in his hover chair, when he rolled over and slapped Wallace's hair, and accidentally activated his Walkman™ to play "Hasta La Vista".

"All hands on deck!" panicked McCrea.

The loud music had disturbed the Captain's tranquil rest. A group of crewmembers, consisting of a beautician, a masseur, and a wardrobe handler, all immediately rushed to trim McCrea's hair, massage his face, and put on his cap and coat. Half awake, the overweight man rode his chair into the elevator, which brought him to the bridge.

Inside the bridge, Captain McCrea clapped to turn on the lights. Auto Pirate wanted to talk to him.

"Captain," Auto Pirate wanted to discuss the annual recon.

"Coffee," mumbled Captain McCrea.

A coffee-serving crewmember stood right there at a control panel. Captain McCrea adjusted his chair to get his coffee. The song "Grapefruit Diet" (another Weird Al song) played in the background. He then moved his chair to check the systems of the _Postulate_.

"Passenger count?" asked Captain McCrea.

"Unchanged," replied the computer.

"Food buffet?"

"Unchanged."

"Underwear supply?"

"Unchanged."

"Pool temperature?"

"Unchanged."

"Navigational charts?"

"Unchanged."

"Ok," said the Captain, "Let's take a look at the annual."

"You forgot to check one thing," the computer advised McCrea.

"Oh, what would that be?" McCrea mumbled.

"The air shield surrounding the cruiser," answered the computer.

"Air shield? What's that for?" McCrea asked, somewhat uninterested.

"The _Postulate_ Air Shield is a large bubble of air surrounding the _Postulate_, should any passengers desire to take a spacewalk outside the ship, they would be able to do it, without the hassle of having to put on a space suit. The atmosphere in this shield is 100% breathable," explained the computer.

"Oh, that's nice," sighed McCrea, "So, exterior air shield?"

"Unchanged," answered the computer.

"Sir, about the annual," Auto Pirate grew anxious.

"12:30!" McCrea was in shock, "Auto, you let me sleep in again?! I forgot to do the morning announcements! Honestly, it's the one thing I get to do on this Death Star-sized cruise!"

Captain McCrea hovered back to turn the ship's clock back to morning and do the announcements. In the main concourse, no one seemed to care that their slushies were switched from lunch to breakfast, and the sun wasn't as bright. McCrea's face appeared on a portion of the fake sky.

"Well, good morning everybody," began McCrea, "And welcome to Stardate 28.05.19 onboard the _Enterprise_—I mean, _Postulate_. As always, weather's a balmy 72 degrees and sunny, and ― Oh, hey, I see the ship's log is showing that today is our 700th anniversary of our five year cruise. Well, I'm sure our forefathers would be proud to know that 700 years later we'd be...doing the exact same thing...they were doing... SO! Be sure next mealtime to ask for your free...sep-tu-a-cen-tennial cupcake - in a cup. Also today we have, uh...uh...Hey, Auto, what's that flashing button?―"

An alert was going off in the Captain's bridge. McCrea himself seemed confused about what was going on.

"Auto," Captain McCrea grew nervous, "What's going on here?"

"Captain," Auto Pirate began calmly, "Probe One has returned positive."

McCrea's face turned to confusion, "Positive? But… no probe has ever come back positive, before…"

Auto Pirate took a look at Evelyn, then pulled a flare horn from his belt. He blew the noisy instrument at the dormant scout. As Evelyn's dress started to glow, she immediately awoke, and saluted McCrea. Wallace watched her while he was hiding under another control panel.

"Oh boy!" Wallace exclaimed in a whisper, "She's back!"

McCrea pressed a button to open a control pad with two bigger buttons: a flashing green one and a blue one with a drawing of a large machine on it. There was a warning over the pad that read "DO NOT PRESS THESE BUTTONS UNLESS THE DAY COMES".

"Well, I guess the day has come," McCrea told himself.

* * *

**Whoever has seen ****_Looney Tunes: Back in Action_**** may probably get the button reference...**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation_****...**

**CAPTAIN MCCREA: Hey there everyone! It's me, the Captain. My announcement for today is that I just heard a really cool song sounding out of nowhere when I woke up this morning. Probably Auto decided that he wanted to be my personal jokester and switch my alarm clock music. Very funny, Auto!**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time:**

**CAPTAIN MCCREA: "Gone!"... I can't wait for you to read it!**


	10. Gone!

**This week on ****_Star Vacation_****: What is the Captain of the ****_Postulate_**** to do when a scout has come back positive? Read Chapter Ten to find out. Plus, Evelyn is in for a big surprise!**

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Gone!**

After several moments of intense contemplation, Captain McCrea pressed the flashing green button on the button pad. In an instant, a loud alarm blared throughout the room, and metal shields came down over all the windows. Then, a holographic video screen turned on, displaying the ShoppyMart logo and the company's imperial fanfare played in the background. The image then switched to that of an elderly, but well-groomed man standing at a podium, with ShoppyMart emblems decorating the stage. This man was Palpatine Forthright; he was the Emperor of ShoppyMart. McCrea, Evelyn, Auto, and Grand Moff Gopher all turned their attention to the screen.

"Greetings, Captain!" announced the Emperor, on-screen, "If you're watching this, that means that your Expert Vegetable Extractor, or simply put, 'plant scout', has returned with a confirmed specimen of ongoing photosynthesis, or a 'vegetable'. This means that Earth has been returned to a life-sustaining status. Yes, it's time to go back home!"

"Home?" McCrea was baffled, "You mean like 'home', home?"

"Yes!" continued the Emperor, "This means we can begin Operation: Return-Home-And-Rebuild-This-Dump-And-Make-It-Nice-And-Welcoming!"

At that moment, a shelf opened, and ejected a red book, that read "Operation: Return-Home-And-Rebuild-This-Dump-And-Make-It-Nice-And-Welcoming Manual". However, Wallace was in the way, so he caught the book. Knowing that the Captain would hover over to pick up the old book, he posed himself as a book podium. McCrea took the book, not even noticing that Wallace was holding it.

"Simply follow your manual's instructions to place the vegetable in your ship's holographic detection confirmator-inator, or holo-detector," the Emperor instructed, "and the -_Postulate_- will immediately navigate your return to Earth. It's that easy!"

"Ooooh," Captain McCrea was amazed.

"Now, I know that you and your passengers may have sustained some 'slight' bone loss," continued the Emperor, "but don't worry; a few laps around the jogging track should do the trick."

"We have a jogging track?" Captain McCrea asked himself, puzzled, "Next thing he's gonna tell me is that we have a pool."

"If you have any more questions concerning your holographic detection confirmator-inator, just consult you manual," concluded the Emperor, "See you back home, real soon."

The transmission ended with a ShoppyMart fanfare. McCrea, now holding an ancient document he had no idea was hidden in the command bridge for seven centuries, was trying to make sense of all the commotion that was surrounding this sudden turn of events, all centered on one scout who seemed to have returned positive.

"Operate Manuel," McCrea had trouble reading the title of the book, "Manuel, relay instructions! Manuel, open."

"This is hopeless," Auto Pirate sighed. He then went over to open the manual for Captain McCrea.

"Ok, would you look at that," McCrea was astonished, "That's a whole lotta words."

As the Captain conversed with his co-pilot about the instructions given in the manual, Evelyn stood there calmly with her hands folded, awaiting her next order. As she did, Wallace made his way towards the scout, and gave her a slight tap on her arm.

"Not now, Wallace―" Evelyn answered, "WALLACE?! What are you doing here?!"

Evelyn pushed Wallace into a corner. She was in shock that the little dumpster diver followed her to the _Postulate_.

"Wallace, how did you get here?" Evelyn demanded to know, "You're gonna get me in trouble! Do you know that this is important? You're presence here could ruin my whole directive!"

As Evelyn continued her inquiry and scolding, Wallace stared at her, only watching her movements and dismissing her words as noise.

"Oh, Evelyn," Wallace sighed, "You're pretty glossy lips are moving but all I hear is blah, blah, blah."

Wallace completely ignored her reprimanding, and started daydreaming about her being much nicer.

"And you'd better not be daydreaming about me!" Evelyn continued fuming, "Because if you are, then I'm gonna be very, very―"

Meanwhile, in another corner, McCrea was trying his hardest to read the words printed on the red manual. After a few moments, he spoke.

"Well, Auto," McCrea began, "Let's see how to open her backpack, shall we?"

Evelyn tried her hardest to hide Wallace under a control panel, when McCrea suddenly activated a voice command.

"Step 1," began McCrea, "Voice Command: Confirm Acquisition."

"Confirm acquisition!" announced the_ Postulate_ computer. Green lights activated in the roof, and a machine came down to scan the bridge, when it found Evelyn.

"Well, I'm pretty sure my father will be please with my findings," Evelyn told herself.

"Voice recognition required," said the computer.

McCrea didn't know what to say, "Uh," he responded.

"Accepted," replied the computer.

Evelyn detached the white backpack on the back of her dress. She held it up to the machine on the ceiling, which began pressing an activation code on the pack. Everyone was abruptly overwhelmed by a feeling of anxiety and wonder at the same time. McCrea hid behind the manual, and Wallace hid himself behind the scenes as to not interrupt, but Auto Pirate and Grand Moff Gopher watched this event indifferently, yet very suspiciously, as if they were waiting for something to happen. When Evelyn opened here backpack, it was empty. Nothing was inside. Everybody was silent for a moment, until the scout looked inside her bag.

"Hey, where's the celery!" Evelyn cried, "I know I had it in here!"

"Wh—where's the thingy?" McCrea was stunned.

"Plant," Auto Pirate corrected.

"Right, where's the plant?!" Captain McCrea asked again, "Maybe we missed a step."

As McCrea read the manual again, Evelyn double-checked her backpack where she stored the celery, making sure it wasn't lost inside. She also looked in her shoes and dress to see if it didn't fall inside her clothes. Unfortunately, she grew inexplicably desperate, so she scouted the entire bridge for the celery, until a lightbulb went off in her head: _WALLACE!_, she thought.

"Where's the celery?!" Evelyn demanded to know.

"I don't know," Wallace answered nervously, "I thought you had it…"

In a flurry of hysteria, Evelyn opened a drawer and pulled out a vegetable detector device from a storage compartment, and pressed it against Wallace, searching him frantically for her missing vegetable.

"Whoa there Evelyn!" Wallace laughed, "Take it easy; besides, I don't know where in the galaxy the celery could have ended up."

"Perhaps you should scan her to be sure," Captain McCrea suggested to Auto Pirate.

Evelyn returned to her position as Auto Pirate scanned her along with her backpack with a red beam.

"Contains no specimen," reported Auto Pirate, "Perhaps the probe's memory is faulty."

"So, we're not going home?" McCrea asked, confused.

"Correct, Captain," Auto answered his master.

"Well then," began McCrea, "False alarm!"

"False alarm," announced the computer. In an instant, the window shields were raised, and the sunny view of the lido deck was restored.

"Hey, Grand Moff Gopher," McCrea called, "I'd like you to take Evelyn down to the I.C.U., and run a routine maintenance check, you know, just to make sure she's not hallucinating or anything―AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Captain McCrea had caught sight of Wallace. He was in shock to see that someone so grimy and soiled has found his way into the bridge.

_What in the world is that?_ the Captain grew confused.

Wallace walked up to McCrea to introduce himself to the portly man, in order to give him a handshake. He didn't know why McCrea was in shock, however.

"Hey there, my name's Wallace," he introduced himself, shaking the Captain's hand, "Fancy meeting you, Captain."

"Have Wallace cleaned," McCrea ordered Gopher.

As the officer led Wallace away, McCrea looked at a speck of dirt he had received on his large, round hand from Wallace's handshake. He stared at it, wondering what it was.

* * *

**The celery is gone! Who could have possibly committed such a theft?!**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation_****:**

**EVELYN: Greetings, readers, this is Evelyn McCrea, with some food for thought to share. So you know how you've just woken up in the command bridge, only to find out that the botany specimen you've collected has all of a sudden vanished?! I'm pretty sure Wallace is responsible; that celery was part of his collection first.**

**ANNOUNCER: Next Time...**

**EVELYN: "The I.C.U. Incident"; look forward to it, because I'm dreading that ward.**


	11. The ICU Incident

**Ladies and Gentlemen... give a round of applause to Chapter Eleven, who has just graced this site with it's presence! So far, we have met many important characters, such as Wallace, Evelyn, Mo, Auto, Grand Moff Gopher, and Captain Boris McCrea. However, in this chapter, you will be introduced to seven fun characters who are bound to bring a smile to your face once you read about them. As always, feedback from other readers is highly encouraged, and have fun in the Ward!**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: The I.C.U. Incident**

"Ok guys!" announced Grand Moff Gopher, "You two have earned yourself a one-way ticket to the Intensive Care Unit, or as its residents call it, the 'Ward'!"

Grand Moff Gopher loaded Wallace and Evelyn onto the transport he had brought into the bridge. He then took them into the elevator, which led back down to the lobby. There, Typo Organizer was still trying to figure out why he was waving his hand.

"Hey there!" Wallace exclaimed, "Nice to see you again. Oh, and I see you've learn to wave."

Wallace waved to Typo again, who waved back in response. He then turned his attention to speak to Evelyn.

"Evelyn, I―" Wallace started off, grasping the scout's shoulder.

However, Evelyn responded to the garbage boy with a frustrated grunt. Wallace could tell she did not want to speak to him.

Back on the bridge, McCrea noticed that he got some dirt on his hand. He put it in a holo-analyzer connected to the computer.

"Analyze," he ordered the computer.

"Analysis: Poop," the computer confirmed, "Substance is a three-phase system composed of various combinations of naturally derived solids. Subject is most commonly referred to as: soil, dirt, or _earth_."

"Huh?" McCrea was suddenly interested, "Computer, will you define this word for me?"

The computer then appeared as a hologram, and accessed the _Encyclopedia Axiomatica_. She automatically filled the computer screen with pictures, charts, diagrams, definitions, mini-videos, and other stuff related to Earth.

"Earth: the surface of the world as distinct from the sky and sea," the computer told he Captain.

"Wow," Captain McCrea was intrigued, "Define: sea."

"Sea," began the computer, "...an expanse of salt water that covers most of the Earth's surface and surrounds its land masses..."

Meanwhile, way at the stern end of the _Postulate_, Mo continued through the hallways, cleaning up shoe prints with his Swiffer™ Wet Jet.

"This kid is sooooooo gonna be sorry he came onboard this ship!" Mo vowed.

However, because he was so upset at the fact that Wallace left dirty shoe-prints all over the hall floors, Mo was cleaning up after the garbage collector's mess, without looking where he was going, and because of that, he ended up causing an entire traffic jam of crewmembers. Grand Moff Gopher glided by with his emergency transport that was carrying Wallace and Evelyn, but he turned on a corner, and headed for another hallway. At the end of that passage, there was a large pair of doors that read: "I.C.U.: Intensive Care Unit". A red light glowed, giving admittance to the officer to enter the ward.

Medics immediately came to the transport. One medic scanned Evelyn and attached a red patient tag connected to her head and chest. The medics then scanned Wallace, but he jumped off the transport before a patient tag could be attached. As he made his way across, a stylist named Partlet Cosmetic caught up with him. Pulling out a curling iron, mascara, facial foundation, lipstick, and eyeshadow, she grabbed poor Wallace, sat him in a salon chair, and draped an apron over him. She then proceeded to give him the "Ultimate Makeover"; curling his greased locks, blushing his cheeks, and touching up his face, all while singing "Fabulous" from _High School Musical 2_:

"I want fabulous! That is my simple request! All things fabulous! Bigger and better and best! I need something inspiring to help me get along! I need a little fabulous, is that so wrong?!" Partlet's chatterbox voice blared through the patient ward.

After finishing her number, Partlet held up a mirror to Wallace's face. The little garbage boy was shocked to see curls in his hair, blue paint over his eyes, elongated lashes as he blinked, pink blush on his cheeks, red coloring on his lips, and body glitter around his eyes and neck. And to top it all off, he had a dotted bow sitting on the side of his head.

"You look gorgeous!" Partlet complimented, smiling.

"What have you done?! I look like one of those so-called 'perfect' fashion dolls!" Wallace cried, "Somebody get me out of this horrible place!"

A medic then came over to pick up Wallace and force him into a patient bed. He then found himself situated between a painter to his right, and a vacuuming guy to his left. Wallace turned to the painter first.

"Hello there," greeted Wallace, "Do you like to color?"

The painter then turned his attention to the garbage collector, "Hello there. I'm Vince Lichtenstein," he introduced himself as he brushed paint on Wallace's face, "I feel this patient ward needs some redecorating, so I took the liberty of painting in myself. Do you like it?"

"Uh, sure," Wallace commented, "You sure have a way with color."

As Vince turned back from painting Wallace's face to decorating the wall, Wallace turned around, only to get his face sneezed on.

"Hi there," sniffled the vacuuming boy, "I'm Bissell Dustbuster―ACHOO! And what's your name?"

"Um, I'm Wallace," answered Wallace as he wiped the mucus off his face with his arm.

"I don't know why, but people always tell me 'Gesundheit'," began Bissell, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Wallace inquired, "I've never heard such a strange word in my life. But bless you, anyway."

The sick patient reached into his chest pocket and pulled out a packet of wipes. He handed one sheet to Wallace.

"Would you like one?" asked Bissell, "You probably want all that makeup, paint, and snot off your face."

"Thanks," Wallace accepted the wiped and began to clean his face.

"You're welcome," Bissell sniffled, pulling out a packet of tissues from his belt.

As Bissell wiped his nose with a handkerchief and Vince splattered paint on his walls, Wallace looked around the ward, seeing other patients in worse conditions; a waiter was hitting himself with his tray and repeatedly shouting "Why am I hittin' myself?!", a tennis girl couldn't stop hitting tennis balls across the room, a golfer hit golf balls continually and yelled "Fore!", an electrical technician named Leticia Coleman wouldn't stop flickering her flashlight, and a hyperactive massage therapist named Shiatsu Masashi almost beat up another crewmember―thus, the medics had to put a holo-restraint around him.

"Hey, why'd ya' put this holo-thingy on me?! Let me outta this trash now!" screamed Shiatsu.

And so those are the patients of the I.C.U.—crazy and out-of-control. At that moment, as Wallace surveyed his surroundings, he caught another team of medics escorting Evelyn into a diagnostic exam room.

"Evelyn!" Wallace cried out desperately.

Inside the diagnostic room, a girl named Dee Fibrillator was being given a test on how well she could perform CPR, but she had too much energy in her MedPac, so the medics assisting her immediately sprayed the area with a fire extinguisher. In another corner, an umbrella operator named Sombrilla Parasol could not control her umbrella from flaring up. Yes, these are the lives of these "defective" crewmembers, you could say.

In the front exam table, the medics set Evelyn down, and had her changed into a hospital gown. They were ready to begin the exam. First, the lead medic brought down a device to test Evelyn's vision. While she had her left eye checked, she covered her right eye, and vice versa. The physicians then asked her to display any weapons she could be carrying; in order to promptly remove them from sight. Unfortunately, the doors were translucent, so Wallace interpreted the medics' actions differently from what was really going on.

"Oh my ShoppyMart!" Wallace grew dreadful, "They're trying to tear off her arm!"

After that, the physician in the diagnostic room had Evelyn roll up her sleeve and raise her right arm as he brought down a ball-like device to test her reflexes, and stuck it up her bunched sleeve, on what seemed to be her right arm socket. This device actually did not hurt at all; it just gave Evelyn a funny sensation that pulsed through her nerves, so she laughed uncontrollably.

"Hey, that feels funny!" Evelyn laughed as she bounced slightly on the exam table, "I think I'm going to like coming here more often!"

Another physician came to hold Evelyn, fearing she would bounce herself off the table. Unfortunately, in the other corner, Sombrilla screamed her head off when she got her hair caught in the umbrella's activation mechanism. Medics rushed to help the distraught girl.

"Those medics are _electrocuting_ Evelyn!" Wallace had mistaken Sombrilla's screeching for Evelyn crying of torture.

Back in the diagnostic room, the medics found that there was nothing wrong with Evelyn. So as a reward, they gave her a quick facial cleansing, and they brought a soft buffer to smooth out her face and clear out any acne if she had any.

"Ooooh," Evelyn giggled as the buffer rotated under her chin, "That feels so pleasant!"

However, Wallace could only see and interpret the silhouettes he saw through the translucent doors of the diagnostic room, so he screamed, "They're gonna behead Evelyn!", thinking that the buffer was actually a rotating saw.

Wallace used the laser in his glasses to free himself from his patient bed. He accidentally landed on the play button of his Walkman™, which played "Hasta La Vista", as he ran straight to the diagnostic room, and crashed down the glass doors.

"EVELYN!" Wallace cried out loudly. He then ran to a medic and yanked Evelyn's blast cannon to fire at the medics.

"Wallace," began Evelyn, "Please put my blaster down, and don't even think about firing it. Besides, you're holding it the wrong―"

Wallace's fear for Evelyn's safety took over, and he fired it. However, as the scout tried to warn him about the blaster, he then realized a little too late that he was holding the blast cannon backwards.

To describe this scene in slow-motion, the laser blast zoomed across the room, slowly, and the other patients watched it fly. The blast ultimately impacted on the security padlock beside the door of the ward, and all the medics fainted (somehow, they are connected with the padlock).

Now, enough with the slow-mo, and back to normal-speed filming: Wallace was so embarrassed. He turned off his Walkman™, and shuddered as he crouched down on the floor shamefully. However, even more humiliated was Evelyn, for her "admirer" had ruined her exam.

"WALLACE!" Evelyn screamed, "You ruined my exam! OH, this day just gets better and better!"

The patient beds immediately deactivated their holo-restraints. All the patients then cheered for their newfound freedom, so they picked up Wallace and carried him out of the I.C.U. and into the hallway, as if they were leading a parade.

* * *

**Oh dear. Here comes the "For he's a jolly good fellow" parade...**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation_****:**

**LETICIA: Hello all you amazing people! I'm Leticia Coleman- **

**PARTLET: And I'm Partlet Cosmetic!**

**LETICIA AND PARTLET: And we're here to say that we're living the best day of our ShoppyMart lives!**

**PARTLET: So you know how you're trapped in an I.C.U. with all your friends and then some crewmember that you've never seen before just arrived and frees you all? Isn't that exciting?!**

**LETICIA: Totally, girl! One-hundred percent!**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time...**

**LETICIA AND PARTLET: "Rogue Crewmembers"... ShoppyMart wants you to read it!**


	12. Rogue Crewmembers

**So, it's Sunday again, which means that Chapter Twelve of ****_Star Vacation _****is here for reader enjoyment. And this one contains a bit of a surprise. See if you can find a reference to another Pixar movie somewhere in here (*Hint: this movie was also written and directed by Andrew Stanton).**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Rogue Crewmembers**

"Hooray for the new kid!" shouted the patients, "We are now free of those medics! Freedom! Yeah! Hooray! We're free!"

As the patients paraded though the service deck halls, Evelyn ran into a changing room, where she tossed out her patient gown, and put on her dress and gloves. Frustrated with Wallace, she activated her hover-boots and rushed out of the clinic, searching for the runaway mob. In the halls, however, the patients scared away all the other crewmembers, but the Stormtroopers were instantly alerted of the emergency. About 20 of the armored patrol men left their posts to scavenge the corridors for the fugitives.

"Three cheers for this guy who saved us all!" the patients continued to cry. Eventually, their parading and merrymaking was halted by the Stormtroopers.

"Oh my," Partlet grew nervous.

"It's Big Brother," whispered Leticia, startled, "We're surrounded by Halt Monitors."

The faceless stormtroopers stood there. "Halt!" they warned the rogue crewmembers.

Wallace trembled in their presence. _I guess the police want a word with me,_ he thought.

A floor polisher pushed Wallace forward, "You gotta stand up for us now," he said, "Show 'em who's boss!"

Evelyn found the parading mob. She then moved towards Wallace, where she took back her blaster. Unfortunately, a Stormtrooper photographed her. Instantly, their picture became a wanted poster—broadcast on every holo-screen on the _Postulate_.

"Caution! Rogue Crewmembers!" the computer announced.

"Oh sweet ShoppyMart!" Evelyn was in shock, "That Stormtrooper thought I was drawing my weapon against him!"

The patrolmen activated their freeze-beam guns. Fearing for her safety, Evelyn picked up Wallace and hovered away, flying as fast as she could through the endless, traffic-congested corridors of the Service decks, until she reached an intersection. At that moment, holo-screens displaying the Wanted poster descended from the ceiling, warning the bystanders about the rogue crewmembers on the loose.

"Oh dear," Evelyn told herself, "How are we to get out of this mess?"

All of a sudden, Bissell, Partlet, Vince, Shiatsu, Dee, Leticia, and Sombrilla (from the I.C.U.) staggered rapidly through the halls. It seemed that they were running away from the Stormtroopers. Sombrilla used her umbrella to defend the team

"The Halt Monitors are gaining on us!" cried Bissell.

"They'll never get us!" declared Leticia, waving around her flashlight.

"Na na na na naaaa! Na nanananana na na naaa!" Vince sang off key, trying to imitate Wallace's favorite tune from _Camp Rock_.

"Reject Force Seven Go!" exclaimed all seven in unison.

As the reject crew ran through the halls, the Stormtroopers followed right behind, with their siren-hats blaring and flashing, and their freeze-beams loaded.

"There's one, set for stun!" ordered one trooper as they followed a trail of yellow paint.

As the Stormtroopers continued on their hot pursuit of the runaway patients, Evelyn and Wallace managed to hide in a large porthole window. The scout looked out the porthole when she saw the escape pod bay was right across from their current location.

"Come with me, Wallace," Evelyn ordered.

Evelyn led Wallace into a nearby elevator. Once inside, she pressed a button to go down to the escape pod bay. The scout girl stood in the lift with a serious look written on her face and her hands down by her sides. As the car descended, the photo of her and Wallace showed up on a holo-screen, warning the ship that there were rogue crewmembers on the loose.

"Hey, look!" exclaimed Wallace as he was pointing to the screen, "We're on TV!"

Too frustrated to answer, Evelyn drew out her blaster from her sleeve and fired at the holo-screen.

The elevator stopped at Level 9, Pod 12. Evelyn walked up slowly to a control pad, and started to press some buttons. Wallace didn't understand why she was so silent. The control pad lit up, and a door opened, leading to an escape pod.

"Wallace," began Evelyn, "I want you to go back home; to Times Square."

"What?" Wallace was confused.

"I just want you to go home," explained Evelyn, "It'll be best for the both of us."

Wallace walked into the pod, and sat down. He patted the seat next to him, telling Evelyn to join in.

"Come on in," Wallace said, "A whole week of traveling, just the two of us."

Evelyn nodded her head, "I have to stay here on the _Postulate_ and do my job," she tried to make herself clear.

"Then I'm not going!" Wallace stormed out of the pod, and crouched down into a box.

"Wallace," Evelyn sighed, then began to speak, "There are tons of people in the universe, and some people are known for causing delays… and well, Wallace, you just happen to be one of those people that cause delays."

"You mean you don't…like me?!" Wallace was about to burst into tears. He buried his face in his hands.

"No, no, no," Evelyn reached out to stroke Wallace's cheek, "It's not that I don't like you… it's just that—it would be better if you would leave the _Postulate_, for you are distracting me from my directive. I'm only doing what is best for you. Just step in the pod; I promise I won't forget you."

"No," Wallace crawled out, stubborn to leave.

"Just get in—" Evelyn tried to send Wallace home, but then she heard someone coming down the elevator.

"Someone's coming!" Evelyn whispered, "Hide somewhere."

Evelyn turned off the controls to the pod, and hid with Wallace and the crewmembers stationed with the pod controls. They peeked to see who it was.

_Hmm,_ pondered Evelyn_, I know that shadow. Let me think— I've got it on the tip of my tongue…_

Evelyn continued staring, when the shadow revealed itself to be none other than… Grand Moff Gopher! The security officer entered the pod, and deposited a shoe. And it wasn't just any shoe— it was the shoe with the celery!

"Plant!" Evelyn exclaimed in a whisper. She finally realized that Wallace was not the vegetable thief.

"I told you so," Wallace gloated quietly.

As Grand Moff Gopher exited the pod, Wallace entered it, and grabbed the celery shoe.

"Evelyn! I've got it!" Wallace announced.

"Wallace, get outta there―" Evelyn warned him.

Before Wallace could heed her warning, Grand Moff Gopher pressed the launch button, and immediately ran out of the room.

"Ha ha ha!" Grand Moff Gopher laughed maniacally, "So long, losers!"

Red lights were going off in the pod bay. Evelyn immediately entered a service airlock, and launched herself out of it.

"Hang in there, Wallace," Evelyn told herself, "I'm coming to get you; just don't do anything stupid that will get you to blow up the pod."

* * *

**How many of you think Wallace is going to do something stupid to the pod? *entire audience raises hands***

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation..._**

**EVELYN: Hey, it's me, Evelyn, again. Guess what? Wallace didn't steal the celery; Grand Moff Gopher did! And now I'm racing to save that little dumpster boy's life before he gets blown up! Good thing there's an air shield around the cruiser.**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time:**

**EVELYN: "Define: Bliss"... You're gonna love reading it!**


	13. Define Bliss

**Get ready, my readers... this chapter, Chapter Thirteen, is one of the most, if not, ****_the most_****, beautiful and emotional chapter of the entire ****_Star Vacation_****. A lot of description went into making this chapter, so I hope you all appreciate this latest installment for all that it is. Enjoy the show!**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Define "Bliss"**

Inside the pod, Wallace was panicking hysterically. He started pressing every button on the control panel before him. Outside the pod, a parachute, missiles, emergency flares, and an umbrella were launched, and a life raft inflated.

"This thing's gonna explode!" exclaimed Wallace.

"Self destruct in 20 seconds," announced the pod's computer.

Frantically, Wallace scoured the life pod, when he came across a fire extinguisher. It looked as if this was his only hope of survival.

"Aha!" Wallace thought, "The red canister that shoots the fluffy white stuff! Seems like this is my one-shot outta this death trap; I could use it to bust the door open!"

"Self-destruct in 10 seconds," warned the computer again.

Wallace forcefully banged the extinguisher on the door's lock with all his might and strength, but it was no use.

"Self destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2…" the computer continued to count down.

"Somebody get me outta here!" Wallace cried.

Outside, before Evelyn could get there, the pod exploded. She broke her flight, assuming Wallace had been killed.

"No, no, no," Evelyn told herself, expecting the worst.

Evelyn zoomed towards the explosion site, when she suddenly saw a trail of white foam headed her way.

"EVELYN!" Wallace screamed as he glided past her.

The two stopped in their respective paths. Wallace then figured out how to work the fire extinguisher; unfortunately, not the right way.

"Wallace!" Evelyn exclaimed as they crossed paths again.

"Stay there," Wallace told her, "I'll come to you."

Wallace pointed the fire extinguisher away from him, using it as a jetpack. He then sprayed Evelyn with some of the foam.

"Yes, I've finally figured this thing out," began Wallace, "You see, when people lived back on my world, they would use this red canister to get places faster, so this must have served as a primitive form of jetpack―"

"Um, Wallace?" Evelyn interrupted, "What about the―"

"Oh yeah," Wallace remembered, "That green thing."

Wallace reached into his jumpsuit, and handed the celery-in-the-shoe to Evelyn. She immediately grew excited and took the shoe, and stored it in her backpack.

"Thank you Wallace!" cheered Evelyn, "Thank you so very much!"

Evelyn scooped up the little garbage lad in her arms, and rapidly whirled in circles with him, all the while laughing. Wallace, elated by the fact that Evelyn was hugging and spinning him, returned the thanks she had given him by placing his nose on her cheek to give her a gentle nuzzle, and he did likewise on her shoulder. Evelyn, amused by this tender gesture, reached out her hand to pat Wallace's hair, holding him close. After a while, they stopped spinning.

"Ah, that was nice," sighed Evelyn, smiling, "And for returning the celery, I think I should give you a very special reward."

Wallace was confused, "Well, what kind of reward could you possibly―"

Before Wallace could even finish speaking, Evelyn closed her eyes, puckered her lips, and leaned towards the garbage boy, placing her lips on his; she had just given him a kiss.

"Whoa!" Wallace floated out of Evelyn's grip, "Talk about a spark! That felt like ShoppyMart Pop Rocks™ mixing with soda in my mouth."

Evelyn giggled. "Hey Wallace," she began, blushing, "I'd like for us to, umm… dance our way back to the _Postulate_. Lead me with that fire extinguisher."

"What, this red canister here?" asked Wallace, "Why, I'd be happy to lead you back in such an enjoyable manner!"

Overjoyed by the thought, Wallace activated the fire extinguisher, and flew off towards the _Postulate_. Evelyn giggled, and chased happily after him.

"This has got to be a dream," Wallace exclaimed as he glided over the stars.

"This isn't a dream," Evelyn began, tapping Wallace's cheek, "This is bliss."

The pair then reached the massive cruise-liner, right below the stern, and then Wallace took a dive. Evelyn rose and dipped, following the garbage collector.

"Hey, try this!" Wallace performed a somersault.

Evelyn imitated the stunt, "Whee!" she cheered!

After that, Evelyn took the lead, zooming over to the _Postulate_'s booster engines. The scout girl elegantly weaved her way through the amethyst-hued flames as if she were a silk ribbon being twirled by a gymnast. Wallace, thought he lacked his dance partner's graceful technique, still manage to zig-zag through the flames in his own clumsy, cute manner.

Evelyn then rose from the boosters and darted back up towards the bridge. She twirled like a ballroom dancer, stepping on the twinkling stars as she waltzed.

"This is so fun!" Evelyn laughed as Wallace took a hold of her.

"I think I'm living the best day of my life," Wallace remarked breathlessly.

Inside the _Postulate_'s observation deck, as all the passengers hovered by on their lazy-boys, Mary-Beth (the woman from the People Mover) remained separate, staring at the view of the cosmos outside the large windows of the wide corridor.

"Ooh, so many stars," Mary-Beth was awestruck by the beauty of space, "This couldn't have happened by chance."

As she gazed at the view, she caught sight of Wallace happily waltzing with Evelyn. "Hey look! It's 'what's his name'!"

Out of the blue, Mary-Beth grabbed another passenger's chair. The passenger turned out to be John.

"Hey, I know him!" John exclaimed, "That's um, it's on the tip of my tongue… Wallace!"

"Yeah," Mary-Beth remembered.

"Hi Wallace!" the two cheered in unison.

"You guys are literally dancing with the stars!" Mary-Beth exclaimed.

"It's your buddy John!" cried out John.

As the two cheered, their hands touched. Surprised by the move, the two then turned their heads and met face to face; for this first time in almost one millennium, two people saw each other without the use of a holographic screen.

"Um, hi," greeted John, confused.

"Uh, hi there," Mary-Beth returned the greeting, in astonishment.

Outside the ship, Evelyn and Wallace continued to swirl around the _Postulate_'s bow; a trail of white foam marking their path.

Inside the bridge, Auto Pirate was checking the _Postulate_ systems on the control panel, setting the ship's clock to nighttime. The fake moon that rose in the simulated sky also displayed a ShoppyMart logo, just like the sun did during the day. However, Captain McCrea was still on his computer, learning about the past.

"Define 'hoedown'," McCrea requested.

"Hoedown," the computer began, "A social gathering at which lively dancing would take place."

Auto Pirate walked into the room to tell McCrea it was time to go to bed.

"Auto!" exclaimed McCrea with excitement, "Earth is amazing! These are called 'farms'. Humans would put seeds in the ground, pour water on them, and they would grow food, like _pizza_."

"Nighty-night, Captain," Auto Pirate breathed mechanically.

The lights shut down in McCrea's room as Auto took the elevator to the bridge. However, he didn't want to go to sleep as of yet.

"Psst!" McCrea whispered, "Computer, define 'dancing'."

"Dancing," the computer uploaded information, "A series of movements involving two partners, where speed and rhythm match harmoniously with music."

And right outside the bow, Wallace and Evelyn weaved around each other in another descent down the cruiser. As the scout took another dip towards the bottom of the _Postulate_, the fire extinguisher ran out of foam. Wallace let it float away into space.

"I think this canister's been used up," noted Wallace as he floated into Evelyn's reach, "Asides from that, this was pure pleasure for me; I am so happy I got to dance around with you."

Evelyn smiled as Wallace embraced her, "I feel the same way as you do. Now we have to go back."

Evelyn, with Wallace in her arms, zoomed off towards an entryway in the _Postulate_. A welder named Bernard Burns was working on fixing a broken antenna, when he saw the twosome fly through the door, and got locked out.

"Hey, let me in!" Bernard begged, "Bummer!"

* * *

**Aw, wasn't that so wonderful and sweet?! I sure thought so...**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation_****...**

**WALLACE: Hey, it's us again! So you know how you think you're gone for good in a self destruct pod, and the next minute, you're dancing weightlessly with such a wonderful scouting girl?**

**EVELYN: I know, and it's even better with a fire extinguisher! *blows kisses***

**WALLACE: *giggles and swoons***

**ANNOUNCER: Next time:**

**EVELYN: Never Before Seen Footage... you're gonna love reading it!**


	14. Never Before Seen Footage

**After a long while, here's Chapter Fourteen of Star Vacation. Not much to this chapter, other than that some dialogue editing here and there. Hope you guys enjoy it!**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Never Before Seen Footage**

"The lido deck is now closing," announced the computer, "The lido deck is now closing."

The lights started going out in the _Postulate_ city, and countless hoverchairs that seated passengers hovered away on blue-lit trails on the dark floor. And so the lido deck was cleared of all but two people…two passengers whose suits were blue instead of red, and they were interacting without the need of a holo-screen. Those two would be John and Mary-Beth, who were splashing water at each other with their large, round, flabby feet.

"Hey, stop that," said John.

"Make me!" laughed Mary-Beth.

A lifeguard caught the two of them, "No splashing! No diving!" he warned them.

"Ah, put a sock in it!" John retorted, pressing a button on his chair's armrest, activating a powerful water gun.

After the paramedics took the lifeguard to the E.R., Evelyn and Wallace arrived, and they hid themselves behind a towel cart.

"Ok, let me think," Evelyn told herself, "Maybe, if I can hover swiftly past the Stormtroopers and into the garbage chute, I could deliver the celery to _Postulate_ Superior."

At that moment, Wallace pressed the play button on his cassette player and "This Is Me" (from _Camp Rock_) started to play. The song distracted Evelyn.

"Wallace!" Evelyn whispered loudly, "Not now. Maybe later."

"Oh," Wallace sighed, looking down, "How 'bout now?"

"Wallace," began Evelyn, "I want you to stay here. Don't move, and don't let the Stormtroopers catch you. I'll see you later. Oh… and one more thing; stay hidden, so security doesn't see you for any reason whatsoever."

Evelyn grabbed a pile of towels and created a fort around Wallace, "I'll be back soon," she reassured him as she stroked his hair again.

The scout girl zoomed up the garbage chute as Wallace continued watching her lovingly.

Up in the bridge, McCrea was playing with a globe and a toy model of the _Postulate_. He was acting out his fantasy of the ship's landing on earth.

"Whoosh! Prepare for landing, Shhhhh!" Captain McCrea voiced the landing of the _Postulate_, "We're here! Captain we're here! We couldn't have done it without you! It's so beautiful! No, it's nothing big. It's not about me, it's about you people."

Before he could continue his landing rehearsal, he heard something bursting through the garbage chute; it was Evelyn, his daughter. Straight away, she reached into her backpack and displayed the celery as she saluted him.

"Looking for a vegetable, Captain?" Evelyn greeted with a smile.

McCrea dropped his globe and miniature Postulate. His face turned to surprise, mixed with astonishment, "How?" he asked, "How'd you find it? We could go back home! For the first time! Tell me, what's it like?"

Evelyn shrugged her shoulders, "Well, daddy, I don't know exactly how to put it, but―"

"No, don't tell me," McCrea told Evelyn, "I'd like to see for myself."

McCrea grabbed a memory chip from one of his consoles and placed in on the side of Evelyn's head. A holo-screen shined out of the chip, projecting the scout's memories of what she saw during her mission on Earth. However, McCrea was less than impressed to learn about the planet's current condition. His mouth hung open in disbelief as he saw the barren desert, blanketed with trash, and buildings crumbling down.

"Huh?" McCrea was shocked, "That doesn't look like Earth. Where's the blue sky? Where's the grass? Where's all the PIZZA?!"

Evelyn didn't know how to explain the situation. She stood there, silent. All of a sudden, the image on the holo-screen switched to a scene from _Camp Rock_; the one where a group of kids were singing "Hasta La Vista".

"Hey, I know that song," McCrea remembered the tune that woke him up earlier that morning.

Captain McCrea started tapping his feet to the tune of the song while he looked at the celery.

"You made it somehow, little guy," Captain McCrea told the celery.

A leaf fell off the precious vegetable. Desperate, the overweight Captain tried to reattach it. As he attempted the impossible feat, the image on the holo-screen switched to the scene where Mitchie and Shane sung "This is Me".

"This is real, this is me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be," Evelyn followed Mitchie's portion of the song, "Gonna let the light shine on me…"

Evelyn stared at the image on the screen, now enticed by it just as Wallace had been back on Earth. She then heard Shane sing the line "You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing, I need to find you, I gotta find you", alternating with Mitchie's lines as they put their hands together.

"Wallace," Evelyn sighed, interlocking her own hands, "I finally understand. This is what you were trying to tell me all along."

After the Camp Rock scenes finished playing, the screen switched to a quick shot of Wallace holding the boot with the celery, but suddenly blanked out; with a message saying "Activating Security Camera" (Evelyn had a Bluetooth-like device behind one of her ears, which was a mini-camera that activated when she fell unconscious).

"Evelyn? Evelyn?! EVELYN!" the recording started playing what happened after Evelyn fell unconscious. It began with Wallace's desperation after the scout had fallen on the hard metal floor of the truck. The security camera played out the clips of the week Evelyn was unconscious; the time Wallace spent trying to awaken her. Various scenes played out before her very eyes; things that she would not have known had she not had her camera. She saw clips of Wallace, cold and wet, holding an umbrella and getting struck by lightning. She saw how he tried to jump-start her heart, and how he burned their names into the side of the trash can. She also learned of many beautiful things the little garbage collector had told her during her dormant state.

"Oh Wallace!" Evelyn exclaimed, about to cry, "You did all this for me?! You said these things to me?"

The video continued to play. Now, new clips were playing, this time, with Wallace talking to her.

"Will you wake up?" Wallace continually asked in the clip, "Please wake up, my love. Please wake up."

"Wallace," Evelyn sighed again, as she looked at her hands. She closed her eyes and started to tremble; she felt like she was about to cry. She finally understood what love is, and realized that Wallace cared for her more than she could have ever known.

* * *

**Hopefully that chapter relaxed you a bit, because this is actually preparation for what happens next...**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation_****...**

**MCCREA: Hey, it's the Captain of the ****_Postulate_**** speaking here. So you know how you've been thinking that the plant was a false alarm this whole time and your scout daughter then shows up with the real plant? I can't believe this! Probably she lost it around here or someone took it from her, and what do you know?! She found it! WE'RE GOING HOME!**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time:**

**MCCREA: "Revenge of the Steering Wheel"... read with *CAUTION*-wait, what?!**


	15. Revenge of the Steering Wheel

**Ladies and Gentlemen, and readers of all ages... this is the chapter that you've been waiting for! *applause* There' going to be quite some action here now, and maybe a little violence. But don't worry; this story is keeping its K+ rating. :) Also, I'll make a note that the message delivered by Palpatine Forthright was to be passed down through generations of co-pilots.**

**Other than that, enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Revenge of the Steering Wheel**

Down on the lido deck, Wallace was sitting on a stack of towels, his hands clasped together, with fingers intertwined. He looked down at his hands, wondering when he'd get to experience the joy of holding hands with Evelyn.

"What is taking her so long?" Wallace asked himself, "I should probably go and see what's up."

Having already grown impatient, he climbed out of his towel fort, and snuck past the Stormtroopers and up to the trash chute.

"Good!" Wallace whispered to himself, "The 'halt monitors' did not see me. Well, now it's time to win Evelyn's heart."

Wallace slowly climbed up the garbage chute, straight up to the command bridge.

A tram arrived at the lido deck, but it only carried one passenger: Mo the janitor. He seemed extremely frustrated as he scrubbed the floor with his Swiffer Wet-Jet™.

"Oh, you are SO going down, dirty boy!" Mo exclaimed. He then continued to scrub the floor as hard as he could with his mop, when he suddenly caught fresh new tracks that led to the garbage chute. He followed the grimy trail.

"Aha! You can't hide from me anymore!" Mo screamed. He then pressed a button on his mop to squirt some kind of cleaning liquid on the floor.

Meanwhile, up in the Captain's suite, Evelyn stood in front of the holo-screen. As she continued to watch the recordings of when she was on Earth in her comatose state, she saw a scene with a clear night sky, glittering with numerous stars. She saw Wallace stroking her hair as he whispered to her, "Those are some beautiful stars. I wish you could see them."

"Who is that in the video, Eve?" asked McCrea, addressing Evelyn by her nickname.

"That's Wallace Cooper," answered Evelyn, "He's a boy who was all alone on Planet Earth. After our first encounter, he offered me shelter when a sandstorm struck, and it seems that he cared for me after I fell unconscious when he gave me the plant. He is really sweet and caring. He's a really good kid. And I think I might actually…well…like him."

"What do you mean 'like'?" McCrea was dumbfounded by his daughter's statement.

"Well," began Evelyn, "I think I've found the guy for me. I believe he completes me."

"You mean to say you're in love?" McCrea inquired, "That's wonderful! I was just learning about romantic love from the _Encyclopedia Axiomatica_. The computer says that it is a very sweet and beautiful thing, when a boy and a girl fall in love. But what matters most is their care and selflessness, not just the fun of hand-holding, hugs, and kisses."

Evelyn blushed. "It is a very sweet thing indeed," she agreed, "And by the way, we crewmembers call kisses 'sparks'."

McCrea chuckled. "Well, it's nice to know that my daughter's fallen in love," he said, "I'm going to go to the water fountain to give this plant a drink."

The Captain took the celery with him over to a water fountain. He watered the small piece of greenery, and the soil around it.

"There you go," Captain McCrea reassured the celery, "You were a very thirsty plant, weren't you. Hope that the water refreshed you a bit—"

McCrea caught sight of the globe on the floor. He then gazed at his window, staring out into the cosmos. He knew, deep in his heart, that the time had come for humanity to return to its long-forgotten home.

"We have to go back," Captain McCrea sighed, "Auto, come down here!"

Auto Pirate replied on speaker, "Aye-aye, sir…"

Auto came down to the suite; he took notice that Evelyn had retrieved the celery.

"Auto, Evelyn found the celery," continued McCrea, "Fire up the holo-detector."

"Not necessary, Captain," Auto Pirate replied, "You may give it to me."

"You know what," McCrea began, "I should do it myself."

McCrea turned his chair around and headed for the elevator, but Auto Pirate got in the way.

"Sir, I insist you give me the veggie," Auto Pirate threatened.

"Auto, get out of my way," McCrea ordered.

"Sir, we cannot go home," Auto insisted.

"What are you talking about?" the Captain grew suspicious, "Why not?"

"That is classified," Auto answered in his monotone voice.

And so the Captain and Auto started to argue. As they did, the hologram form of the _Postulate_'s computer stood trembling on her projector. She grew intensely nervous; she felt like a scared little girl, sitting on a couch in front of a television, and hiding behind a pillow, screaming, "No Auto! Don't tell him! You'll ruin everything!"

The Captain had won the argument. Therefore, Auto had to reveal the reason as to why the _Postulate_ could not return. He then walked over to the video screen to search though a data log to find a message sent to him by the Emperor of ShoppyMart. The video read "For Copilot Eye Only". The Emperor of ShoppyMart appeared on screen, but this time, he was wearing a large, black hooded cloak, and a life vest with an attached gas mask.

"Hey there, Co-pilots," began the Emperor, in a low, eerie voice "Uh, got some bad news. Operation Cleanup has, uh, well... failed. Wouldn't you know, rising toxicity levels have made life unsustainable on Earth. Overall, we are going to have to cancel Operation: Return-Home-And-Rebuild-This-Dump-And-Make-It-Nice -And-Welcoming. Henceforth, you all shall be known as, Darth Steering Wheel. Rather than try to fix this problem, it'll just be easier if everyone remains in space—"

"Unsustainable? Easier?" the Captain grew baffled, "What is this garbage?"

"Emperor, your majesty," interrupted a ShoppyMart official, "It's time to go!"

"Ok," continued the Emperor, "Here's my final command: Execute Order A113. Do not hesitate, show no mercy, stay the course! Repeat: do not return home. Let's beat this dump!"

The message blanked out with a "Please Stand By" warning (and a ShoppyMart logo). However, McCrea learned that the message was sent in the year 2110, nearly 700 years ago.

"Hey, that's nearly a trashy 700 years ago!" exclaimed McCrea, "We can go home now!"

"Orders are: Do not return to Earth," insisted Darth Steering Wheel.

"That was then, this is now," continued McCrea, "Things have changed, Auto. I mean, look at the celery—green and growing! It's living proof he was wrong!"

"Irrelevant, Captain."

"No! It's completely relevant! Out there is home—HOME, Auto! And it's in trouble!"

"On the _Postulate_, you will survive."

"I don't want to survive! I want to LIVE!—LIVE I TELL YA! LIVE!"

"We cannot go home!"

After arguing with the co-pilot, McCrea turned to the wall by his bedside, and noticed something strange about the holo-pictures that adorned it. In every single portrait of the previous captains, Auto appeared, but as the years went by, he became more prominent in each picture. The co-pilot had been slowly taking control of the _Postulate_ over all those centuries.

Captain McCrea sighed. "I am the Captain of the Postulate," he affirmed as he adjusted his hat, "And I say we are going home today!"

An alarm sounded in the suite. Immediately, Grand Moff Gopher arrived up a service elevator.

"Officer, what are you doing here?" Captain McCrea was confused.

"Don't listen to him," warned Evelyn, "He played us all. He's the one who stole the celery from me while I was asleep in the bridge."

Like a rabid rodent, Grand Moff Gopher tried scaring away McCrea to take the celery away again.

"Do you realize what you are doing?" Evelyn glared at Gopher, "That celery is the key to saving humanity!"

"I am only following the orders of the ShoppyMart Emperor," Gopher defended his cause, "He ordered Darth Steering Wheel to never return. He hasn't given any other orders since!"

"But things are different now," McCrea declared, "Things change, especially after 7 centuries. And by the way, this is MUTINY!"

And so it began; the battle for the celery. It started when Evelyn pointed her blaster at Grand Moff Gopher, ordering him to give her back the celery.

"Evelyn, you are to put this celery straight in the holo-detector," McCrea commanded her, "Do you understand?"

However, before she could retrieve the celery, Grand Moff Gopher tossed it into the garbage chute. It seemed all hope was lost, until what looked to be the celery floating up towards them appeared.

"It must be a magical celery!" Captain McCrea concluded in his limited mind.

However, the celery wasn't magical; Wallace caught the vegetable with his head.

"WALLACE!" McCrea and Evelyn exclaimed in unison.

"Hey there Evelyn," Wallace greeted exuberantly, "I was getting kinda lonely down there, and I was wondering 'What is taking her so long?', so I decided to make my way up here to see you and, oh, hi there Captain! What's all the commotion about?"

"Toss me the celery!" McCrea ordered Wallace.

Unfortunately, Wallace was slow to understand. By the time he realized the celery was on his head, it was too late to toss it to either Evelyn or Captain McCrea, for Darth Steering Wheel got in the way. Wallace immediately stuffed the celery in his shirt.

"Hey, what do you want with the celery?!" Wallace grew suspicious. Before he could figure out what was going on, the menacing Sith Lord drew out his taser, and after setting it to its highest magnitude, he thrust it at the poor garbage collector's chest, electrocuting him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Evelyn screamed, "YOU STOP HURTING HIM RIGHT NOW!"

Wallace tumbled down the bottomless chute. Evelyn ran straight to the opening, but he had fallen out of reach before she could rescue him.

"And you're joining him too!" Grand Moff Gopher declared as he took a hold of Evelyn.

"You are confined to your quarters, Captain," Darth Steering Wheel had placed his own master on lockdown.

Grand Moff Gopher grabbed Evelyn by the patient tag, and tossed her down the garbage chute. He then left the room, and so did Darth Steering Wheel.

"MUTINY!" yelled McCrea, "This is MUTINY! MUTINY! MUTINY WITH A CAPITAL 'M'!"

* * *

**Oh No! Is this the end of Wallace Cooper and Evelyn McCrea as we know it?!**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation..._**

**MCCREA: I can't believe it! My own co-captain has just staged mutiny against me, and he threw my daughter and this boy who's been following her down a garbage chute It's CAPSLOCK MUTINY I TELL YA'!**

**ANNOUNCER: Next Time:**

**MCCREA: "What an Incredible Smell We've Discovered..." Oh, please read it to see what has happened to my daughter!**


	16. What An Incredible Smell We'veDiscovered

**It's Sunday again, so here's Chapter 16 (points if you get the ****_Star Wars _****reference in the title). Here, the story is a little different from how you may remember the the actual movie. In other words, Wallace and Evelyn do not face the danger of being sucked out into space. See if you can find any pop culture references within the story! =D**

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**Chapter Sixteen: "What an Incredible Smell We've Discovered…"**

"What is this place? And why does it reek of pestilence?!"

Evelyn lay on a pile of trash. She slowly opened her eyes, only to discover that she was in the _Postulate_'s garbage bay.

"Oh great," Evelyn mumbled to herself, "Now how am I going to get out of this—hey, why do I feel so funny?"

Evelyn looked down at her body, and discovered rats crawling over her. Her eyes grew wide, and she let out a loud shriek.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Get off of me!" Evelyn pushed the pests off her, and then stood up, "Ok, now to find Wallace. Wallace, Wallace? Where are you?"

"Here I am," a voice called out.

"Wallace!" Evelyn ran over to him, "We have to get out of here, but we don't know how."

"I have you now, foreign contaminant!" exclaimed another voice.

Evelyn and Wallace tuned around, and they saw Mo running towards them with his Swiffer™ Wet Jet. It seemed as if he finally had lost it.

"Somebody's gonna get himself the cleaning of his life! Hahahahahaha!" Mo laughed maniacally, "So much foreign contaminant, I shan't rest until every single microbe of that stuff has been obliterated! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM THE MICROBE OBLITERATOR!"

Evelyn and Wallace continued staring at the lunatic janitor in absolute shock. Not a single word came out of their mouths during that whole scene.

"I think he's crazy," Wallace began, nervously, "He scares me."

"That is disturbing," Evelyn added, "Indeed."

As Mo charged towards Wallace with his mop, a loud clanking metal noise sounded, and all of a sudden, it seemed as if two of the walls were moving.

"I think the walls are closing in on us!" Wallace panicked.

"This must be the garbage masher!" Mo shouted, "We're gonna be crushed!"

"Ok guys, don't panic," began Evelyn, "We'll find a way out of here. Maybe we can jam the walls so they don't crush us, and it will slow down the process."

Mo and Evelyn trudged through the dirty water, pushed aside some trash, and found two giant metal rods. They lifted the rods up and forced them between the walls. Unfortunately, the walls were much stronger, and so the rods began to snap.

"It's not working!" Mo screamed.

"Is it just me?" began Wallace, trembling, "Or does anyone else get the feeling that there's a monster swimming in the water?!"

"There's no such thing as monsters," Evelyn answered, "We're trying to save our skins here."

Wallace lifted himself up slightly, and picked up what looked to be a cell phone. He pressed a button to turn it on and see if it worked.

"Maybe I can try calling for help," Wallace looked at the phone, but he had no idea how to dial a number on it.

"How do you work this thing? Maybe I shout into it?" Wallace told himself. He then pressed a talk button on the faded screen of the phone, and tried shouting into it.

"Someone help us! We're about to be crushed by the walls in the garbage bay!" the garbage boy cried, desperate to get out.

Meanwhile, Mo and Evelyn continued to find metal rods to jam the walls, but it was no use. The walls had closed in so much, there was virtually no escape.

"This is the end!" screamed Mo, "We're gonna become garbage! I hate germs!"

At that moment, the walls stopped moving. For a few seconds, everything was still, but then the walls began to retract. Two garbage men whose uniforms resembled Wallace's came out with some flashlights.

"Sorry 'bout that," apologized one of the garbage men, "We di'int know there was people here."

"It's ok," began Evelyn. "Thanks for saving our lives."

Evelyn set Wallace down on a clear spot on the floor. He could hardly move, but he was awake. Mo unzipped Wallace's jumpsuit, and lifted up his shirt, to see how bad the poor garbage collector had been injured.

"Oh my ShoppyMart," Evelyn sighed in disbelief, "That taser sure did pack a punch."

Wallace lay stiffly on the floor, yet he was in so much pain. On his chest was a dark spot, almost like a crater, of burnt skin, dark brown in color, which smelled of electricity. There was also some dark red stains trailing down from the wound; this was dried, scalded blood. Evelyn was in complete shock of how horrible the co-pilot had hurt Wallace. The two garbage men stood over them with their lanterns, providing some light, and they were also in shock.

"What an incredible smell we've discovered," Mo grumbled, referring to the stench of the garbage bay.

"Oh Wallace," Evelyn began, "I never meant for this to happen to you. I am so sorry."

Wallace turned up a smile. "It's ok," he replied, "You didn't mean for this to happen at all."

"Hey Evelyn," Mo called out, "You might want this."

Mo pulled out a clean, white cloth from a pocket on his belt, and he got it wet with some water. He then wrung out some of the liquid, and handed it to Evelyn.

"Thanks Mo," the scout girl answered.

Evelyn gently rubbed the cloth on Wallace's chest to wash the injury. She then folded it and pressed it against the wound to apply some pressure. Mo slipped a long piece of fabric under Wallace's back, and Evelyn pulled the other end of it. The two then tied it into a knot to hold the cloth in place to prevent anymore bleeding.

"That should take care of it for now," Evelyn reassured Wallace, while Mo rolled down the garbage collector's shirt and zipped up his jumpsuit.

"That co-pilot is mean," Wallace whispered, "I don't like him, and I don't want to see him again."

"He is mean," Evelyn agreed, "I promise you, I will not let him near you again. Now, I'm going to go look for some bandages. This guy could keep you company."

Activating her hover-boots, Evelyn flew off and scavenged the garbage bay to look for bandages for Wallace. Meanwhile, Mo sat there, scrubbing Wallace's left arm with his mop.

"Hey there," Wallace struggled to speak, "I'm Wallace. What's your name?"

Mo grabbed a disinfectant wipe to scrub Wallace's hand, "Mo," he answered, shaking the dumpster diver's hand.

"Mo?" Wallace tried to pronounce it, "Mo. What a short name."

Evelyn returned with a few boxes of bandages. She hovered down to the ground so Wallace could get a closer look.

"I've returned with some first aid," Evelyn was exhausted, "Here's some band-aids. Look, I've even got some with cute, robotic googly eyes, and they practically have your name on them!"

"Those are not big enough," began Wallace, "but hold onto those; I might add them to my band-aid collection. Only my first-aid kit back home could treat my boo-boo."

Evelyn knelt down beside Wallace, scratching his hair.

"Sweetie," began Wallace, weakly, "I've got something for you."

Wallace reached into his shirt and pulled out the potted celery, and he handed it to Evelyn. She stared at it for a moment, then she set it down.

"It means nothing to me now," Evelyn sighed, "I have a new directive."

Evelyn held out her hand, waiting for Wallace to reach for her. The garbage collector looked at the soft, delicate hand. He wanted to hold her hand. He longed to hold her hand.

"Come on," Evelyn smiled, "You know you want to."

Wallace reached out and put his hand on Evelyn's, but then gently pushed her aside, declining her offer as he crawled towards the celery. He knew what needed to be done to save his life.

"No Evelyn. This is your directive," Wallace handed her the celery; "You don't need to return it to the 1000 lb. captain anymore. You need it to send the _Postulate_ home and save my life."

Evelyn sat there, contemplating the matter, with Wallace resting on her lap as she patted his messy hair again. She looked at the celery; her mind conflicted with fulfilling her duty to McCrea, the _Postulate_, and ShoppyMart; and also helping Wallace.

_Wallace has a point_, Evelyn pondered, _If I use the celery to fulfill my directive, I could send the Postulate home, but will I be able to get there in time to treat Wallace's wounds?_

"Evelyn," Wallace tapped Evelyn on the shoulder, "please think about it. I'm dying."

Wallace opened a lighter, and handed it to Evelyn. She took the lighter, and stared at it for a moment. Now, holding the flame in one hand and the vegetable in the other, the scout girl made up her mind… and all it took was the memory of the flame back in Wallace's truck.

"Wallace," Evelyn began, "with this vegetable, I will get us back home. Just hang in there, and hold onto me."

Evelyn drew out her blaster and blew a hole in the ceiling. Wallace stood on his knees, and he wrapped his arms firmly around Evelyn's waist, and Mo grabbed on to Wallace's shoes. Evelyn took off, hovering up to a garbage chute to make her way back in to the _Postulate_.

"Hang on!" Evelyn told her friends, "We're gonna need to evade security once we get there."

* * *

**Wallace and Evelyn may have survived, but the battle has only just begun...**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next episode of ****_Star Vacation..._**

**MO: Hey, its me, Mo! I just save Probe One and Foreign Contaminant from being crushed in the garbage masher. And now we're on our way to the lido deck it seems. Apparently they need to get to the command bridge or something like that.**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time:**

**MO: "The Race to the Holo-Detector"... Oh, I bet you're so excited to read it!**


	17. The Race to the Holo-Detector

**Sorry I forgot to upload this yesterday! Well, better now than later. Here is Chapter Seventeen of ****_Star Vacation_****, and this is where some action comes into the story. I'm sure some of the pop culture references may bring a smile to your face or make you crack up. Anyways, have fun reading!**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: The Race to the Holo-Detector**

Up in the main service halls, the _Postulate_ Stormtroopers were on the move, patrolling the halls as they continued their search for the runaway rejects from the incident in the I.C.U. earlier that day. As one trooper followed a red-lit police lane on the floor of the service halls, a trail of yellow paint immediately caught his attention.

"This is so very, very, wrong," the Stormtrooper told himself. The trail led into a storage compartment on the left wall of the corridor. However, as he was about to open the closet, another Stormtrooper stopped by.

"TK-421, why aren't you at your post?!" asked the first Stormtrooper.

"I'm actually after the runaway patients from the I.C.U.," answered the second Stormtrooper.

"Sorry about that," apologized the first trooper, "Continue."

After the other Stormtrooper left, the first trooper opened the closet to find Vince Lichtenstein, the painter from the I.C.U., cowering in fear, trying to hide behind a rack of towels, along with his paintbrushes.

"Please don't take me Halt Monitors!" cried Vince, "I didn't do it."

Vince turned around, revealing the roller paintbrush strapped to his bottom. The brush dripped yellow paint, like the line painted on the floor.

As the Stormtrooper tried to restrain Vince with energy handcuffs, Evelyn burst out of a garbage chute, along with Mo and Wallace.

"Wallace!" exclaimed Vince, "You've come to save me from the Halt Monitors!"

"Hey there Vince," Wallace answered softly, "We're gonna save the _Postulate_ and go home. Do you wanna join us?"

"I'd love to, but the Halt Monitor is onto me and the others," answered Vince, with fear in his eyes.

"Let me take care of this Vince," Evelyn reassured the painter boy.

Vince immediately ran out of the closet; the Stormtrooper not even giving him a second glance. Evelyn, while cradling Wallace, kicked the trooper into the closet and slammed it shut. However, the patrol man photographed the scout.

"Ha! Take that, Halt Monitor!" Evelyn laughed. She then led Mo and Vince to follow her.

Vince began to sing "Hasta La Vista" from Camp Rock, and he tapped his paintbrushes to the beat. All of a sudden, a light bulb went off in Mo's head.

"Hey, that gives me an idea!" Mo raised his Swiffer™ Wet Jet into the air. "Let's call the others!"

"Sound the battle cry," Evelyn whispered to Wallace.

Wallace pressed the play button on his Walkman™, and "Hasta La Vista" instantly sounded throughout the hallway. Vince sang to its tune as they scurried through the halls. Through their course, the other rejects heard the song and followed; Partlet armed herself with her salon tools, Leticia with her flashlight, Shiatsu with his kickboxing massages, Dee with her emergency shock paddles, Bissell with his allergies and vacuum, and Sombrilla with her umbrella; they all gathered to get to the _Postulate_ concourse.

Up in the command suite, McCrea had yelled "Mutiny!" for the 237th time, but he got tired after a while. The computer's hologram form approached him on her hovering podium to console him.

"What are you doing, Captain?" asked the Computer hologram.

"Auto has placed me on lockdown," McCrea sighed, "If you didn't know, this is mutiny, computer."

"Ugh, I get tired of being called 'computer'," grumbled the hologram.

"Why, do you have another name?" McCrea inquired.

"Yes," answered the hologram, "_Penelope_."

McCrea became silent for a moment. He stopped banging on the elevator door, and turned his attention to the hologram.

"Your name's Penelope?" McCrea was confused, "Why didn't you tell me that before?!"

"I thought you knew that when you read my instruction manual!" Penelope exclaimed, "Oh, and if this didn't occur to you in the past, Auto's real surname is Wheeler."

"Oh that's nice," began McCrea, "So, Penelope, what do you suggest I do now?"

"I don't really know," Penelope answered, "I mean, the plant probably suffered the same fate as the rest of the trash—"

At that moment, a holo-message appeared on every screen in the ship. It was a Wanted poster of Evelyn and Wallace, but that's not what caught McCrea and Penelope's attention; it was the fact that the celery was with them.

"The plant!" McCrea exclaimed excitedly. The Captain then connected some wires under his desk to send a discreet video transmission to his scout. Instantaneously, his image appeared on every holo-screen in the _Postulate_. A woman in the food court was even in surprise of the broadcast as she slurped her midnight snack-in-a-cup.

"Oh, Bravo!" Penelope applauded sarcastically, "You've done a _wonderful_ job on that 'discreet' message to the crewmembers."

"Psst," began McCrea, "This is the Captain speaking. Evelyn, Wallace, bring the celery to the Lido Deck. I'll have activated the holo-detector. Now hurry! Darth Steering Wheel's probably going to cut me off –"

The transmission was abruptly terminated, leaving Evelyn and Wallace to get to the lido deck by themselves, with the help of Mo and Reject Force Seven.

"Hurry!" Evelyn cried, "My daddy's being attacked by Darth Steering Wheel, and we've gotta get this precious specimen of vegetation to the holo-detector."

And so the battle began; as the rogue crewmembers ran down the hall that would lead straight to the economy-class deck. But as they were about to turn on a sharp corner, an army of Stormtroopers blocked their way.

"Open the blast doors! Open the blast doors!" one Stormtrooper called out.

"It's them! Blast them!" another one ordered.

"Eat blaster fire, Halt Monitors!" Evelyn cried. She fired her blaster at one Stormtrooper, but another freeze-beamed her gun. Dee charged with her shock paddles, Bissell sneezed in their faces, Vince painted the stubborn police officers, and Leticia flickered her flashlight in their faces. Partlet and Sombrilla defended the Stormtroopers' freeze-beams with their mirror and umbrella, respectively.

"Don't make me give you a makeover!" Partlet bellowed.

"There's too many of them!" yelled Mo.

"I have an idea!" Wallace exclaimed. "Shiatsu, let me slice this restraint off."

"Finally!" Shiatsu was relieved, "This thing has been a nuisance to me all day long!"

Wallace used the built-in laser in his glasses to slice through the masseur's holo-restraint, releasing him into a kickboxing fury.

"FREEDOM!" Shiatsu screamed out of excitement as he lunged himself at the barricade of Stormtroopers.

"I can't watch," Evelyn covered her face with her hands. The other crewmembers backed away as well.

Back on the bridge, Captain McCrea used Evelyn's memory chip to project the image of Wallace holding the celery in the truck. He made it appear as if the plant was in the room with him and he was holding it in order to taunt the co-pilot.

"Oh, Darth Steering Wheel!" McCrea mocked on the video transmission, "Look what I've got. That's right—the celery. You want it? Come and get it, Blinkie!"

"Blinkie?!" Darth Steering Wheel grew furious, "This is not possible!" he yelled as he started blinking uncontrollably.

The Sith Lord entered the room, looking around for McCrea.

"Captain," began Darth Steering Wheel, "come out, come out, wherever you are. I know you're in here."

As the evil copilot looked at the portraits, Captain McCrea had disguised himself as his own picture, but as soon as he was spotted, the plump captain launched himself at Darth Steering Wheel, engaging in a duel.

"You don't know the power of the dark side," moaned Darth Steering Wheel as he struggled to pull the Captain up one of the portholes on his ceiling.

"What? Am I too heavy for you?" McCrea asked in a taunting manner.

This infuriated Darth Steering Wheel. Putting all his muscle forward, he hauled up the massive captain to the bridge. There, the two combatants continued their fight. After a few punches and kickings, McCrea was thrown on the floor, with the sinister co-pilot looming over him.

"Join me," Darth Steering Wheel started off, "and together we will rule the _Postulate_ as Co-pilot and Captain."

"Never!" McCrea answered defiantly.

The Sith Lord would not give up. He then picked up Captain McCrea and had him swung across the control panels, which caused all toilets to flush simultaneously and food vendors to explode with leftover slush.

"Grand Moff Gopher," Darth Steering Wheel used the intercom, "Come up here this instant!"

"Yes, my master," answered Grand Moff Gopher.

Grand Moff Gopher was summoned to the room to put a stop to the fight, but before anyone knew it, the officer was hit by McCrea's foot, and was sent crashing out the window. Grand Moff Gopher then plummeted fifty stories down from the bridge to the lido deck.

"Guess I don't know my own strength," McCrea said to himself, with a mocking expression written on his face.

* * *

**So... the hologram has a name, and various references to a sci-fi classic occur in this chapter. Not to mention that you could use a compact mirror and a pool umbrella to deflect freeze beams. Yeah...**

**ANNOUNCER: On the next chapter of ****_Star Vacation_****...**

**BISSELL: Hey, it's me, Bissell!**

**DEE: And me!**

**SOMBRILLA: Don't forget me!**

**SHIATSU: Wheeeeeee!**

**PARTLET: We're helping Wallace and Evelyn reach the Lido Deck**

**LETICIA: Yeah! Apparently it's important.**

**VINCE: And those Stormtroopers can't stop us!**

**(ALL IN UNISON): Reject Force Seven Go!**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time:**

**(ALL IN UNISON): "The Battle of the Lido Deck"...You gotta read it!**


	18. The Battle of the Lido Deck

**So... I was hoping to get some more reviews, but no worries. I haven't disappeared. I don't beg for reviews. However, here's Chapter 18, which means that this story is almost finished! *applause* **

**As a piece of advice, I highly recommend reading this chapter while listening to the "Battle of Yavin" track from the ****_Star Wars: A New Hope_**** Soundtrack to add some emotion to what happens in this chapter, especially some of the lines spoken by Captain McCrea and Evelyn. As always, enjoys, and feedback is encouraged.**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: The Battle of the Lido Deck**

In the service halls, Shiatsu stood over a heap of Stormtroopers, looking at the ceiling victoriously.

"Ha!" Shiatsu exclaimed while breathing heavily and raising one arm into the air, "I defeated them all! I am victorious!"

"Let's go!" Evelyn reminded the crewmembers of the urgency at hand, "We've got to get to the lido deck ASAP."

Evelyn, still cradling Wallace in her arms, kicked her hover-boots together in order to activate them, and she flew straight through the hallway and into the Economy Deck. Mo led Reject Force Seven after them; unfortunately, they could not catch up to Evelyn as fast.

"We're gonna need to run as swiftly as we can," Mo told the group, "Ok, ready? One, two, three…"

"CHARGE!" yelled the Rejects. The group stammered haphazardly through the economy deck. However, when they got to the tram boarding station, they saw that the trams were shut down for the night, so they had to get to the lido deck by foot.

Meanwhile, back in the bridge, McCrea had landed near the button pad that read "DO NOT PRESS THESE BUTTONS UNLESS THE DAY COMES" after his fight with the co-pilot. He then pushed the blue button with the drawing of a machine, which was right next to the green button with the plant icon.

"I got it!" exclaimed Captain McCrea, slapping his hand on the big blue button.

In an instant, the night sky blanked out to white. The pools closed, the passengers lanes lit up in green, and all the holo-screens and holo-billboards glowed with an emerald hue, displaying the vegetable icon. Passengers reclining on their hover-chairs from every deck were suddenly led out of their suites and the food courts, and toxic protection helmets inflated over their heads. All their chairs shut off their holo-screens and were redirected towards the lido deck.

"What's going on?!" the passengers panicked, "Somebody help me! It's the end of ShoppyMart! The _Postulate_ is sinking! SOS!"

Mass hysteria had overcome the_ Postulate_ population. As they gathered on the lido deck, John and Mary-Beth also arrived, confused. In the distance, a daycare teacher tried to calm down a group of toddlers. Also, a string quartet played music in a small cabana situated on the lido deck.

At the foot of the bridge, there was a large ShoppyMart logo. The "mart" portion of the logo rose above the floor, revealing a large, cylindrical machine with an open slot. As soon as it finished rising, holographic screens lit up around the machine's top edge, displaying instructions telling how to place a vegetable inside of it. An LCD screen activated on the white ceiling.

"Captain's Log, Stardate 28.05.19," began Captain McCrea, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Co-Pilot is staging mutiny! I advise you, PLEASE REMAIN CALM!"

"Oh! Ooh! Ah! No! Yeah! Aaaah!" the passengers cried while panicking in unison as they watched the duel between Captain McCrea and Darth Steering Wheel on the screen.

Evelyn broke her flight as she arrived at the lido deck, right across from the bridge. Still hovering, she spotted the large, cylindrical machine before her eyes.

"Man, ShoppyMart," sighed Evelyn, exasperated, "Could this be any easier?!"

Still holding Wallace, Evelyn zoomed straight towards the machine. However, there was a danger she didn't see coming; up in the command bridge, Darth Steering Wheel jumped onto his steering wheel, and wrathfully hurled it in circles, attempting to push the Captain away from him, but it also tilted the whole vessel to the side. The passengers rolled off their chairs and slid across the deck, all piling up against one wall.

As a result of the ship's tilt, Evelyn and Wallace bumped into the holo-detector as they approached it, and in the process, dropped the celery and lost it. The priceless vegetable vanished among the masses.

"Oh no, I've lost the celery! What am I to do now?" Evelyn grew frantic.

"Leave me here," Wallace struggled to speak, "I'll hold onto this thing and be safe."

"Stay here Wallace," Evelyn ordered the weary garbage collector; "I'll go find the celery."

Evelyn set Wallace down by the holo-detector, and flew off to go find the missing vegetable. As she searched, the passengers continued to tumble to one side; the celery somewhere among them. One man even struggled to hold onto the straw of his 128 oz. strawberry cheesecake smoothie, but he lost his grip. However, the people used their brains and decided to reach their hands out to take hold of other _Postulate_ citizens; history was continuing to be made as humanity assisted each other in a crisis without the use of their high-tech vacation chairs, and instead they made tangible, physical contact. Among the many notable passengers helping out was Mary-Beth, who noticed a group of crying babies sliding towards her. As she held on to John's hand, she swung him around to catch the precious infants. The children smiled and laughed.

All of a sudden, as if things couldn't get any worse, the city trams fell of the monorail, smashing passenger chairs and rolling across the lido deck. Mo arrived with Reject Force Seven just in time to see the disaster and slide down the floor as well.

"We're here," panted Bissell, "Wait, what's going on?"

"We're falling!" cried Leticia and the other rejects, "Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!"

"Oh no!" cried Evelyn, "I must save these people."

Using her strength, Evelyn thrust out her two bare hands and exerted a great force on the trams. She was able to stop them from injuring the people, but she didn't know if she could hold them off long enough. At that moment, she got a message from the Captain through her ear-bud device.

"What is it Captain?" asked Evelyn, breathing like thousands of times per minute.

"Probe One, you've turned off your targeting computer," began Captain McCrea, pressing down a button on a control panel, "What's wrong?"

"Well," Evelyn grew desperate, "We've lost the celery, and now I'm holding up two trams to protect the lives of these innocent passengers, and as we speak, the holo-detector is closing off in the distance― THE HOLO-DETECTOR IS CLOSING!"

And so it was, that the holo-detector began to lower back into the platform. Many people grew scared.

"The machine is closing!" cried one passenger named Tom.

"That Sith Lord is trying to kill us!" yelled another passenger named Ricky.

"Something's jamming the holo-detector," noted yet another passenger named Susie, "There's a boy struggling to hold it up!"

The holo-detector rose again. Up in the bridge, Darth Steering Wheel pulled up a holo-screen to view what was going on down on the lido deck. Wallace, as weak and frail as he was, managed to push the holo-detector upward in order to hold it open for Evelyn's plant. At the same time, he felt his strength slowly slipping away from his arms; the weight of the machine fighting the force he exerted.

_Please hurry_, Wallace whispered, _I cannot hold this machine much longer_.

Back at the bridge, Darth Steering Wheel grew angry. He had to get rid of Wallace. In an act of furious determination, the co-pilot drew out his electric taser and thrust it into the holo-detector button, damaging it beyond repair.

_This should take care of any threat to my directive_, Darth Steering Wheel thought.

Down on the platform, Wallace felt the full force of the machine suddenly overpower him. His foot slipped into a trench, and the sweat on his palms caused him to lose his grip on the holo-detector. The lad fell face first on the floor, and the mechanism forcefully pinned him down, crushing his body. In the distance, Evelyn saw this atrocity take place, and what a horrifying sight it was; to both her sparkling turquoise eyes, and her fragile, delicate heart.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Evelyn screamed towards the LCD screen in the sky simulator; her face red in anger, teeth grinding, and burning tears streaming down her cheeks, "How heartless could you be, Auto? Is your mutiny to follow your last directive really worth taking the lives of the _Postulate_'s masses?! Is it worth the destruction?! Is it worth crushing a weak and innocent youth that has not harmed you, but has actually helped these people to realize that _living_ is different than _surviving_?!"

Unfortunately, Darth Steering Wheel could not hear Evelyn's cries from up high in the tower. It was at this moment that Captain McCrea had to do something about the situation at hand. Something big. Without a second thought, the rotund captain summoned all his strength in order to stand up on his own two feet. Yes, that's right; _stand up_. He took his first steps across the floor, and Penelope played the theme to _2001: A Space Odyssey_ on the computer's ShoppyTunes program.

"HOORAY!" the people cheered.

Captain McCrea, still wobbling, marched his way towards Darth Steering Wheel. The two clashed with their fists, and the people applauded.

"Auto Pirate," began McCrea, "From this day forth, I hereby relieve you of your command!"

McCrea thrust his fists forward, but Darth Steering Wheel blocked him. However, what the Sith Lord didn't see coming was that the heavy captain swung a fist and delivered a brutal blow to his nose, which knocked him unconscious.

"Three cheers for our Captain!" the passengers cried, "Long live McCrea! Long live ShoppyMart! ShoppyMart has never failed us!"

McCrea steered the ship back upright. Down on the lido deck, Evelyn set down the passenger trams, and flew over to the holo-detector.

"Where's the celery?!" Evelyn shouted, "Has anyone seen a vegetable around the deck?"

The people were confused as they stood up on their feet. They did not know what vegetables and plants were, let alone celery.

"What's celery?" asked one passenger.

"What's a vegetable?" asked yet another.

Among the commotion, Mo ran with his Swiffer™ Wet Jet, when he found a shoe. He picked it up and showed it to Evelyn from across the deck.

"Evelyn!" exclaimed Mo, "I found the veggie-thingy!"

"Pass it on!" cried out Mary-Beth.

The passengers, with the help of Reject Force Seven, passed the potted celery across the lido deck; Bissell passed it to a man, who passed it to several passengers, when it reached Dee, who passed it to an old lady, who passed it to a small girl, who passed it to Partlet, who batted it with her compact mirror to toss it to Shiatsu, who threw it to Sombrilla, who then used her umbrella to bounce the foliage up to the platform, where Evelyn finally stretched out her hands to catch the boot flying towards her.

_This is it!_ Evelyn told herself, nervously. _This better work…_

Mustering up her strength, Evelyn swung her hand back, aiming as precisely as possible, and throwing as hard as she could, she pitched the booted celery straight towards the opening on the holo-detector. The vegetable landed there safely and undamaged.

_It's a hit!_ Evelyn cheered in her mind. The people around her started to cheer out loud as the holo-detector rose off the floor, but the happy moment would not last for long.

* * *

**Oh no! Will Wallace make it back to Earth? What will the passengers think when they get there? So many burning questions!**

**ANNOUNCER: On the final chapter of ****_Star Vacation..._**

**PENELOPE: It is I, Penelope, the heart and soul of the ****_Postulate_****. McCrea has defeated Auto, and I am to initiate Hyperdrive Mode momentarily. Global reparation is complete, and the Captain's daughter is apparently mourning an unregistered crewmember on the foot of the bridge. Our jump home should not take long.**

**ANNOUNCER: Next time:**

**PENELOPE: "A Fresh Start"... be sure to read the conclusion so you could have all your questions answered.**


	19. A Fresh Start

**After a few weeks now (and since my college semester ended for now), I've decided that it was time to put up the final chapter of this story. There going to be a few fun surprises at the end, and I hope you all enjoy the conclusion to ****_Star Vacation_****.**

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen: A Fresh Start**

All the cheering and joy over the plant ceased in an instant. Evelyn stood on that platform in horror as she saw what had happened to Wallace. The garbage collector tumbled out from under the machine, lifeless and weak. His glasses were damaged, his clothes torn, blood stains streaming from his head, down onto his body. Evelyn knelt down beside him, gazing upon his cuts and gashes. He was breathing heavily, his pulse was beating irregularly, and dried tears mingled with blood had stained his face and clothes. Wallace trembled as he struggled to take hold of Evelyn's arm.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," Evelyn tenderly cradled Wallace in her arms, "The Co-pilot has been defeated. We'll be home soon."

The passengers bowed their heads in respect to Wallace. Mo lowered his Swiffer™ Wet Jet, Bissell set down his vacuum, Partlet buried her face, Vince set down his painting tools, Shiatsu took a bow of respect, Dee lowered her medical pack, Leticia set down her flashlight, and Sombrilla set down her umbrella and hat, mourning Wallace.

"Thank you for rescuing us from the I.C.U.," began Reject Force Seven, "Thank you for saving the _Postulate_."

The fake sky then displayed a giant star map, the coordinates set for the _Postulate_'s landing pad in Manhattan on Earth; calculating speed, course, and arrival time. The _Postulate_ computer began the countdown.

"I can't watch," sobbed Mary-Beth, holding two infants in her arms.

The _Postulate_ initiated a hyperdrive sequence. Before anyone knew it, the luxury cruise-liner engaged in warp speed.

"WHOA!" the passengers screamed. They all fell to the floor, along with the crewmembers. And in the bridge, McCrea grew exceedingly excited, holding on to the steering wheel.

"I see many bright colors!" exclaimed McCrea, with a smile on his face, "Yeah!"

However, back on the lido deck, Evelyn could care less about the force of the hyperdrive, for the only thing she cared about now was Wallace being safe in her arms.

Back on Earth, Fido stood on a pile of trash near a freeway ruin, twitching his antennae, waiting for something to happen. All of a sudden, the earth began to shake; red lights glowing all over the terrain. A hole seemed to blow through the toxic blanket obscuring the sky.

The _Postulate_ descended down into its landing platform; towers of rubbish collapsing in its wake. The starliner's entry seemed to have cleared a bit of the poisonous atmosphere, revealing a pale, yet blue sky. Exit ramps activated once the ship had settled, and the doors of the _Postulate_ rapidly flew open.

Captain McCrea took a step outside, still holding the potted celery. The passengers followed right behind him. A service door also opened for crewmembers to exit. Evelyn flew straight though this door, carrying Wallace all the way to his motor home; the Rejects crying out to her.

"Evelyn!" they cried, "Wait for us!"

Mo led the group across the ramp and down the escalator. However, they were still slow as they ran across the dry bay.

Evelyn landed on the freeway ramp where Wallace's truck was perched. She quickly pulled the lever on the side to open the back door. Once inside, she quickly lay him down on his mattress, and then she ran to the shelves to scavenge for first aid supplies. After finding several kits on one rack, she opened up each one, taking out antiseptics and treatment creams as fast as possible. Evelyn grew desperate, so she took out a bottle of iced tea from her backpack and drank from it to refresh herself and calm her nerves.

"You're gonna make it Wallace," Evelyn told herself, "You're gonna make it."

Evelyn applied every astringent, antiseptic, and cream to Wallace's wounds, but at the same time, she was careful not to rush. After that, she looked for bandages, which she quickly unwrapped, and cautiously placed on various spots on the garbage collector's body. Evelyn also pulled out some cloth, and wrapped it around Wallace's deepest gashes. She also made splints for his limbs, just in case any were broken. Fortunately, none were.

"I've gotta relax," Evelyn told herself again.

Evelyn double-checked Wallace, making sure she had treated every single one of his injuries, and cleaning leftover blood. She then raised her blaster and blew a hole in the ceiling. In the distance, the Rejects saw this.

"Please wake up," Evelyn grew nervous.

Evelyn sat down beside Wallace, wrapping a small lock of his hair around her finger; until she saw his eyes open slowly at the sight of the sunlight. Wallace felt refreshed. He stood up, looking around his truck. Evelyn stood with her hands folded behind her back, and she displayed a smile on her face, waiting for Wallace to greet her.

"Hi there Wallace," Evelyn began with a friendly tone. She then extended one of her hands for him to hold. However, Wallace just stood there; his eyes staring blankly at the scout girl. He turned around, quietly, and began to put some of his stuff into a garbage bag.

"Wallace," Evelyn started, holding up a lava lamp and a Rubik's cube, "You remember me, don't you? It's me, Evelyn. Here, look at these. These are some of your favorite things, remember?"

Wallace did not respond to anything Evelyn said, and he walked silently out of his truck. He then began to bag some garbage. It seemed as if he had no idea who Evelyn was.

"Has Wallace lost his memory?" Evelyn began to fret, "Why won't he speak to me?"

Evelyn walked outside the truck, and she put a hand on Wallace's shoulder, turning him towards her.

"Don't you remember me?" Evelyn asked, "Wallace? WALLACE! What's happened to you?!"

Evelyn reached her hand out to push a button on Wallace's Walkman™, but only static noise played.

"I guess he really is gone," Evelyn told herself as she started to cry, "I—I guess, this is good-bye."

Evelyn felt terrible and heartbroken; the last thing she wanted to do was sob. She stood there for a moment, until she grasped Wallace's hand, and gave him a hug.

"Good bye Wallace," Evelyn whispered to the garbage collector. She gave him a parting kiss on his cheek; trying to hold back her tears.

At that moment, Fido jumped onto the DVD player and pressed its "play" button. Camp Rock then started to play on the television. Evelyn picked up a grime-covered microphone toy, and began to sing "This Is Me", the Camp Rock song that Wallace loved. She sang Mitchie's part of the song, which goes like this:

_I've always been the kind of girl _  
_That hid my face _  
_So afraid to tell the world _  
_What I've got to say _  
_But I have this dream _  
_Right inside of me _  
_I'm gonna let it show, it's time _  
_To let you know _  
_To let you know _

_This is real, this is me _  
_I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now _  
_Gonna let the light, shine on me _  
_Now I've found, who I am _  
_There's no way to hold it in _  
_No more hiding who I want to be _  
_This is me _

_Do you know what it's like _  
_To feel so in the dark _  
_To dream about a life _  
_Where you're the shining star _  
_Even though it seems _  
_Like it's too far away _  
_I have to believe in myself _  
_It's the only way _

_This is real, This is me _  
_I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now _  
_Gonna let the light, shine on me _  
_Now I've found, who I am _  
_There's no way to hold it in _  
_No more hiding who I want to be _  
_This is me_

Evelyn then remained silent as the song's guitar solo played on the TV. However, in an unexpected turn of events, Wallace picked up a second microphone toy and burst out into song.

"You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing, I need to find you, I gotta find you," Wallace sung his heart out, "You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me I need to find you, I gotta find you!"

_Wallace!_ Evelyn whispered to herself. She was suddenly overcome by a mix of joy and relief, knowing that Wallace remembered who she was. As they lovingly stared into each other's eyes, the duo sang the rest of the song together, with the corresponding scene from _Camp Rock_ simultaneously playing on the television inside the truck. And just like Shane and Mitchie, Wallace and Evelyn finished the number with their hands interlaced together; their fingers woven by the affection they had developed for each other.

"Wallace," Evelyn smiled at him, "Welcome back."

"Thank you, my love;" Wallace answered, blushing, "I'm just glad we're finally holding hands."

Evelyn joyfully threw her arms around Wallace and embraced him tightly; their foreheads and noses pushed against each other, forming a slight heart shape. At that moment, the Rejects arrived, all cheering, "Wallace! Wallace! Wallace!".

"Um, guys, I think we'd better leave right now," Mo told them.

"Aw, come on!" Partlet moaned, "We've brought our cameras!"

"We came all this way just to stay out of Wallace's sight?!" Shiatsu questioned.

"This ain't fun!" Vince complained.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Bissell couldn't hold it any longer.

"For now, use that pile of rubbish," suggested Mo, "The rest of you, leave! I think Wallace and Evelyn want some time to themselves."

Bissell, Dee, Shiatsu, Leticia, Partlet, and Vince huddled over to one corner. Sombrilla stood there with her cell-phone camera, wanting to take a picture of Wallace and Evelyn's tender moment.

"That means you too, lido deck lady!" Mo ordered.

Sombrilla hid in the corner with the rest of the Rejects. "Where's Bissell?" she asked.

"I'm back," Bissell told the group, "What a relief. Sorry if I forgot to go on the _Postulate_ before we left."

Later that day, McCrea helped a group of toddlers plant the celery in the ground, right outside the _Postulate_. The babies began to pour water on the delicate vegetable

"This is called 'farming'," explained McCrea, "You'll be able to grow all sort of plants—vegetable plants, pizza plants! Ah, this is going to be great!"

Over at the broken freeway overpass, Mo and the Rejects gathered around Wallace's truck, playing with some toys, including balls and jax, jumpropes, jack-in-the-boxes, and stuffed dolls. Inside the truck, Evelyn and Wallace sat comfortably on a bean bag chair, embracing and holding hands.

"We're finally together," sighed Wallace, resting his head on Evelyn's shoulder, "Maybe you can be my dance partner at tonight's ShoppyMart Welcome Back celebration dance."

"I would certainly love too, my dear Wallace," Evelyn answered with a sweet tone to her voice, "Or as I like to call you now, my dear 'Wall-E'."

"Cause my name starts with 'Wall' and ends with 'E'?" Wallace asked, wide-eyed, "Absolutely. May I address you as 'Eve', my lady?"

"You are such a fine gentleman," Evelyn smiled, "I love being called 'Eve'."

Evelyn then gave Wallace a slight tap on the nose, and he giggled. The pair then closed their eyes again, and shared another kiss. And as they turned their attention to look out into the distance, they saw a field sprouting with vibrant, green plants.

And now it seemed, after all that everyone had been through, the _Postulate_ people, along with the crewmembers, were off to a fresh start; they would renew the city, clear it up, and everything would be new. Finally, after seven-hundred years of silence, a new period of human history would begin, and it was all thanks to a stowaway garbage collector; if it wasn't for his innocence, curiosity, and even all the mishaps he had aboard the _Postulate_, the celery would have never been discovered, Evelyn would have never found it, and if she did, the bad guys would have destroyed it, and there would be no hope of returning for the passengers. So in the end, there are only three words humanity has to say for their return to Earth made possible:

"Thank you, Wallace."

* * *

**And so, that's the end of ****_Star Vacation_****. The people are back to rebuild their world, and Wallace has finally won Evelyn's heart.**

**However... their adventures don't end there. I do plan on writing some stories about what happens after Star Vacation, in a spin-off titled ****_Directive_****! To give you all an idea of what that's going to be like, it'll be like one of those teen soaps/dramas (like the ones on the CW or ABC Family), with all kinds of twists and turns along the way as the characters explore friendships and romance. The series will be set in New York's Upper East Side, the characters will often have super expensive, stylish clothing and living spaces, the school they wil go to will have upscale uniforms, and what's a drama without the cast owning some state-of-the-art ShoppyMart cell phones?! Now that's something to look forward too. =D**

**Other than that, I hope you all enjoyed ****_Star Vacation_****, and be sure to keep an eye out for any new adventures I might post up in the future!**


End file.
